Hallelujah...we found our Monroe Incarnate!

Now...you ignorant people may think that Melanie Griffiths is trying out for the new matriarch figure on the Young the Restless...but that would just show your lack of deep understanding of the world. Put in a nutshelll, this.woman.is.Marilyn Monroe. No, forget that...she's better than Marilyn. Maybe Marilyn never did actually die? This is changing my previous world paradigm. I'm quite speechless.

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Nicole and Keith are savvy.

Wow, Nicole and Keith are really switched on...trying to do the whole "we don't know each other" technique...really great, throws me off all the time. Now...because I'm not as clever as these two...the fact that (although they've managed the walk to the cafe well) they're sitting together at the table would indicate to me that these two know each other...but I'm sure this is part of some incredibly well-thought out strategy...after all...I'm just a lowly blogger and they're a fiercly intelligent force.

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Things that go BUMP in the Night...Part 2

Claudia Schiffer

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Michael Bolton gets Desperate and Proposes.

O.k...I promise I didn't come up with that 'pun' on purpose...Anyway...Michael and Nicolette used to go out when she was hot...and I betcha Michael dumped her because he was on the rise and figured he could nab something better...of course...he couldn't...and now like 10 years later, he's proposed to her...but this time...something's changed...this time, she's a man...how's that fora horror movie plot? In any case...I think the man part somehow suits Michael Bolton just fine.

Snark Status: Disabled

Anyone else, and I would be all over it...but...umm...this is rather adorable...oh dear.

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Why does Madonna even bother to turn up to her photoshoots?

"Beauty's where you find it" - Madonna...in Vogue

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TBLE Lazy Linkage.

• The Never-Ending Nose Job Chronicles...SALMA HAYEK (Celebrity Plastic Pics)
  

• 
  Stuff magazine readers have their prioties straight. Violent dictatorship over Creepy Alien Busters anyday. (The Superficial)

• Paris Hilton Cleans Herself Out (Dlisted)

Hey guys,
I'm out of town for a day...
So I'll see you on Tuesday night again :)
love,
Elisa.

Honestly Now...What's Going On?

O.k...it was the same with me and Angelina Jolie during Tomb Raider...all of a sudden she looked fabulous...most people attributed it to the tan...but it was actually the 2nd nose job that transported her into goddess status.

Now...I'm by no means comparing Michelle with Angelina...but something substantial has happened. She no longer looks like a duck...what's going on?!?...Girl looks like Nicole Kidman now.


Old

New

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Things that go BUMP in the night...Part 1.

Mary Kate Olsen.

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Jessica Simpson tries a Paris Hilton strategy...

*snore* who goes out to a restaurant in a black hat trying to 'hide' a black eye. Well..we all know who tried it last time...but seriously Jess...I hate to break it to ya...but daddy getting a little too rough just doesn't sell so well in the magazines.

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Come Armageddon Come!

I'm guessing those two looking at their impeding meteoric-doom is a little too much to ask for?

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I want to wake up in the morning next to Tara Reid

Girlfriend sticks to her guns...none of this occasional half-baked glam-up nonsense a la Avril or Xtina for Tara...and we love her for it. Lumpy stomachs aren't necessarily a bad thing...right?

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Courtney Love gives Pete Burns a serious run for his money.

Courtney, sweetheart, Live Through This and Celebrity Skin have garnered my long-lasting love for you...but seriously...if it's between going cold turkey on the heroin or the collagen...I'm saying...give the latter a go.

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Vintage Nicole, Paris, and Nikki

A non-anorexic Nicole, an STD-Free Paris and a cute Nikki wish you a fruitful weekend :)



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Social Services please...

Oh man...I hate kids in adult poses...I really hate those black and white pics with the red roses showing little kids kissing and stuff. What the hell was this shoot for? It's disturbing if you ask me...at this point...I'm just glad some bright-spark didn't try to incorporate a mini Lil' Kim...

Gwen Stefani

Beyonce and Jay Z

Kelis

Lil' Jon

Kanye West

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Maddona is slow

Madonna has just come to realise...about 15 years after we all figured it out..that her acting is the calibre of Poutly, Paris, Katie, and Gwyneth mashed together. She's talking now about maybe letting go of the acting dream. I'm guessing this "letting go" coincides (by coincidence of course) with the fact that noone, not even her husband is touching her with a 50ft pole. While she's in the 'let go' mood...she should also drop that horse-riding thing as well...and the damn Kabbalah too.

Katie Holmes has been let off the leash...for the time being

...and frankly...I don't think I blame Tom for keeping her on it. Seriously, he turns his back away for 5 seconds...and what does he get? Katie asking POSH Spice to be a birthing partner? WTF? This article sounds completely false, but that's never stopped me before.

"Victoria has become something of a mother hen to Katie, so when she was
asked if she would be with her during the birth, she said yes straight
away."

but this is the bit I love:

"Twice a week they both set aside half an hour to chat
about the
impending birth and any worried Katie might have...sometimes they
even practise
breathing exercises over the phone."

Who knew marrying Tom Cruise could make someone so damn desperate? I mean if I were opting to push the spawn out...I'd like to have someone with me who has at least gone through a natural birth...but that's obviously just me.

These guys need our help

Man...these guys need some pep. At this point I'll take anything...Scientology devotion, sex tape, Orlando Bloom gay sex scandal...anything. Even Sienna is beating this girl in the interesting stakes...even bad plastic surgery would satisfy us for the time being.

BTW...How incredibly well to I cover up my slow news days?

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Matilda Melts Hearts

After years of intense dislike towards her..Matilda has finally bridged the abyss between us. Could it be I actually like Michelle Williams? Oh my...I need a lie down.

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Is Ivanka Trump the new Britney?

What's going on? In Feburary she looked like this:

And nowadats she looks awful. There was the Apprentice Suit...which I let pass...

but now this.

I'm telling you...she's going to be our Britney with good skin. If I was Ivanka I would definitely go and find my Faberge egg...

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