Jennifer Aniston considers her next career move into the O.C

I guess there comes a time in every girl's life when she comes to terms with her life's mistakes and realises that the only remedy...to all of those regrets is to have herself photoshopped into oblivion in order to resemble B-Grade teen soap stars. I'm not really sure because I don't have the exceptional IQ that a Cleo reader must possess...but I guess looking like you have a nose isn't hot this season?

Huge thanks to the cover-finding-guru JustinR :)

Keira insults poodles.

Personally, when I don't really want to get attention for something, I always find the best approach is to talk about it all the time so that people can really forget about it. Keira wants us all to know that she is not looking forward to going to the OSCARS..."This is my first time going to the Academy Awards and it's terrifying."...oh did she mention she was going to the Oscars?

The poor thing is so terrified:

"You kind of get trotted out as Britain's prize poodle, I suppose,
wearing your dress and they give you marks out of ten for what you're wearing
and what your jewels are like. It's a bit scary."

Hmm..yes, those damn Oscars are terrible. I doubt she'll cope. I'd agree with her comparison to a poodle...except I'm pretty sure that poodle shows require SOME talent criteria, something that's a bit too advanced for the Oscars normination process..

I'm back! ...

and while I was away I found enlightenment....well...at least these girls told me that I would have enlightment just as soon as I could round up around $100,000 which they said would be just enough to get rid of a couple of aliens in my system...and afterward have a few grand leftover to buy me a prosthetic stomach and a sterile homosexual to boot. So helpful. Such happy girls. Personally, I think it's a deal that I just can't pass up.

Sorry Guys...Moving Out...Internet Issues

Hey Guys,
Sorry about the lack of posting lately. I've moved into a new place (with no Internet as of yet...that'll change soon!!!)...I haven't left you...I'm just talking a break due to "exhaustion"...Don't worry though...I'll come back bustier in no time.
Much love,
elisa.

My name's Kate...Kate M---?!?

Poor Kate...apparently she's :

"really worried about her memory, and specifically short-term memory loss...she forgets where she is supposed to be going...it started as a joke...now she's concerned something's wrong."

Last week, she spent four hours at the London surgery of brain specialist...
Personally, my opinion is...that when you look like that...cognitive brain function is SO not required.

Someone help me out with thie MI3 Mystery???

O.k...so we all know that Keri Russell has sold her soul is Tom's co-star for the MI3 movies right? Right? Yup. Right...that's her there.

...so why does that girl down there (for the same promo) look like Katie Holmes???This Scientology stuff is blowing my mind...I feel like taking a stress/personality test Right Now.

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Vintage Mariah. Vintage Fergie.

I think maybe they just changed their hair over the years?

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Freak is Chic

This week; like every week, has given some airtime to some freaky people. We've seen the "I lost waaay too much weight" freak with Christina Ricci

The try-hard freak, along with "I'm am a Supermodel...let me hear you scream" freak

...and of course; as always, what freak-inventory wouldn't be complete without the "I've completely and untterly lost my grip on reality"...Miss Li-Lo.

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Pamela Anderson is a tough cookie

I have a love for Pamela Anderson that runs deep...but my goodness, is she making it tough for me.

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Covers Baby

I'm not quite sure what Vanity Fair were aiming for here...but this is a definite miss from Annie Leibovitz...I refuse to talk about Poutly...and let's face it...Scarlett's no Sophie Dahl now is she....

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Speaking of misses...what the hell is going on here with Vogue? If M-Aniston HAS to be on the cover of the damn thing...surely some other pose for M-Aniston can be found...personally, I'd prefer the one that involves a head-sized paper bag.

Aug 2004

March? 2006

I see dead people

I can't quite figure out if it's the face of starvation, stomach cramps, or Satanic possession...but looking at this I'm pretty sure Ashley Olsen's eyes just took my soul away...as well as mutilating my packed lunch. When I grow up, I wanna be able to shoot heroin into my eyeballs just like Ashley.

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Janet Jackson really sucks at making up stuff

What's with Janet and her explanations...first it was the dodgy Superbowl 'wardrobe maulfunction'...and now...instead of just being fat just because ...she's fat because she needed to gain weight for an indie role...which has now mysteriously fallen through. I guess the audition process for fat-fetish porn films is more competitive that I originally thought...

Vanity Fair bounces back

After the "Lindsay Almost Died" snore-a-thon disaster that was their last month's issue, I thought Vanity Fair had lost the nothing that it had once had...but it's obviously trying to claw some ground back...let's face it...they're not going to gain any points with me by placing a naked Keira Poutly on the cover...but by placing Joaquin, Eric, and Viggo in their pages...uhh...that might be more of a worthwhile path for them to pursue.

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A Day in the Life of Brangelina Heaven

For two people who appear to be in the thick of fighting starvation, disease, and inequality...these two look rather happy about their general situation...I guess the key is to jet off to Paris every time things on the African-front get a little boring.

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I'll be honest...I'm traumatised

What on earth is going on? My world is changing...things are not what I once thought they were.

Let's see...we've got Joe Simpson NOT leering at Ashee's breasts...

We've got Bai Ling actually WEARING clothes...

...but then... just as I start to get freaked and out start to question the fundamental laws of the world...I see something expected...Donatella's traumatising breasts continuing to traumatise me with the same force...and I realise that all is good...and back to normal.

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Lagerfreak likes people who look dead...just watch out if you ARE dead

Well..let's face it...Lagerfreak has something against dead people...I guess they don't give much revenue. He said about Princess Diana:

"She was pretty and she was sweet, but she was stupid...the public does not know who Camilla is. She is the life of the party. She's sparkling, she's witty, she's ready for everything, and not pretentious, not one bit. If you had to make a choice to live with somebody, this is the one"

Yeah...personally, if given a choice between a few-years old corpse (not so talkative at parties) and an ALIVE person...well Karl...gotta had it to you...amazing insight...

He also went on to basically say that he preferred to Kidman to someone like Lohan...so it's quite obvious to me that Lagerfreak doesn't have all that much against looking dead...just actually being dead.

Social Services needs to get this kid out of the nightmare that is Spears

I know this is everywhere already...but I'm guessing Britney realised that when Sean grows up and realises exactly who his parents are...he's going to try to self-mutilate...so she's just trying to save him the trouble. ..by killing him ASAP.

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Spot the Difference If You Can...

Personally...I can't....

Thanks to Jessica M for the Calista pic!

*sorry for the drop in posts...started a full-time job...give me a few days to sort myself out...mwahh*

Fergie is constantly intent on making me lose my dinner

If I ever go into a bulimic phase, please remind me to place Fergie pictures all over my walls...this new-age technique is guaranteed to make you lose quite a few pounds. By the way...who is telling 'her' that Melanie Griffith lips are going to be the solution to her She-Man issues?

Sheryl and Lance aren't Living Strong anymore

Wow...that title is pretty bad. Then again...this jetlag has got me pretty tired. Well...Sheryl and Lance may have split up...but breakups are all part of the publicity-whore's (albeit talented) arsenal...How nice for her that the whole thing came just before the opening of New York Fashion Week...

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The ex-coolest blonde on the planet poses with some washed up old starlet.

Give me the younger-looking carrot-top any day. Debbie Harry might be looking a little out of sorts...but she's still got it in IMO. I'm not going to waste any energy typing about Lindsay here.

This guy is more interesting than the Nobu crowd

This guy may be homeless and have serious issues...but he was right on the button re: appearing distraught next to Mariah and happier next to Spade. I find the whole kind of disturbing I don't know why I think so though...I mean, there's nothing more helpful to a poor homeless guy than taking random happy snaps with him...who needs actual help when you can get autographed flipflops instead?

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Pamela's breasts have had enough

Pamela Anderson's breasts are have a bit hissy fit. They've had enough...they want to break out from Pamela and go solo a la Justin Timberlake or Robbie Williams. Let's face it though...without Pam they're going to be as successful as Nick Lachey...before Newlyweds.

Ashley Olsen is not Gwen Stefani

...there are about 2 people in the world that can pull off the red lipstick and look cool at the same time. Ashley dear...you fall into the other category of looking a little monkeyish odd, a little too desperate for sex, and more importantly...not good.

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