Hilton Happy Halloween

the kids in my neighbourhood that cut out holes in their sheets to look like ghosts look more put together than these messes. Paris looks like she's just snorted a line of Prozac and come out straight from a gangbang. I'm sure that was her Halloween theme in any case.

A mother and daughter who plastic surger-ise together stay together

I know there's techincally an age difference between them, but I'm not seeing it. Looks like they've got for the same very chic mountanous breast look...I suppose they can then argue that it's genetic. Very cunning indeed.
Ivana turned 25...or 45, (apparently those ages are interchangeable)...and her mother got plastered.

Poor Pam is having a hair situation

...hey...back off...having fake clumps falling out of your head happens to everyone every now and then...o.k?

Calista is hot again

I don't know about you, but I've always thought of Calista as a thin, deadish-looking kind of girl who's nose was about to fall off Jackson style. But Harrison Ford seems to have changed all that. Ally McBeal is just a bad memory now.

Meet Madonna's own Zahara

...hello David Banda. There's been quite a bit of incredibly boring hoohah, but I have a feeling that what Madge wants, she gets. I have a feeling this is going to directly correlate with a separation between Madge and Guy...Billy Bob Thornton-style. Mark my words.

with this one.

Umm...

I know Kelly is a singer not a model blah blah...but I don't think the gettup would look good on any one... It's like Liza Minelli meets Aretha Franlin meets lady from the shopping network that sells the bedazzler.

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Stepford era hath endeth

...I think we all saw it coming some years ago...but still, now it's official.

Move over Tara!

...there's a new horrific breast-implant owner in town. Miss Ivanka Trump. These humps are 'lovely' lady...mountains.

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Warning

Don't look into Nhilton's eyes...looking straight into an empty souless mental cavity can cause serious damage to your health.

Anyone that can find a melody in this wins a prize

Ever wondered what would happen if Gwen Stefani mated with Beyonce and the child grew up to have a lobotomy along with a few serious sexuallytransmitted diseases? Fergie tackles that question head on.

Stepford-esque

They're like those creepy neighbours who look so perfect on the outside....but you just know they've got a collection of baby skeletons underneath their floorboards...and that if you go to a certain public toilet you'll find the husband at it George Michael style.

The world has officially gone insane

This was a model at the Ashley Paige show during LA Fashion Week...when exactly did this kind of thing become cool?

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Some Eric Bana outakes to spice up your weekend

I'll take the outakes any day.

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The secret of Lindsay's coke stash revealed!

...it's either coke or cock...and personally, for the sake of my mental health, I'm going with the former. I'm out of town for two days...so I'll let you ponder :)

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David Letterman torture trial

...money may indeed buy you happiness and comfort...but it doesn't solve the problem of mental retardation. I'm not the biggest fan of Letterman but I have a newfound appreciation of him. Talking to Nicky Hilton is like talking to a brick wall that's been smashed up several times and might be in a coma.

Hope the parties you go to this weekend have a better guest list!!!

...it's pretty bad when Holmbie looks like the normal one...she must be feeling that living with Tom isn't so bad after all. Have a swell weekend folks...and stay away from the creepy old man and the trouty anorexic. By now I'm guessing I don't need to warn you about the Scientologists I'm sure.

Floppy hats and orange bags are en Vogue

...the fact that Michael Jackson is opting or stilettos doesn't really surprise or bother me...but why on earth is his daughter Lindsay Lohan's twin? What was Debbie doing?

My girl Stam does the cover of W (o.k...jewelry)

Honestly...I'm so sick of these low grade "actresses" on magazine covers talking about bulimia, botched boob jobs, or breakups...it is seriously the time to bring back the model. It's their core competence...and they generally have very little to say.

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Lavigne has smashed things around

...verdict?

Jessica provides us with another powerful video

...not entirely sure what it's about...but I think it depicts the tragic tale of a transvestite who suffers from random epileptic seizures...at one point he/she cuts her hair...and then the rest seems to be shot in jail...generally the quality expected from such a profound artist.