Angelina's back for St John

I'd heard she'd been booted off because of dismal sales - but she's back and looking better than ever.

Slow news day? You bet it is :)

Lila Grace and Shiloh are one day going to hate each other

In the absence of other news

I thought I'd share with you my new favourite ad. I don't watch television - so I've only really seen it on YouTube...but I love it.
BTW...I in no way shape or form am associated with the bank or anything like that - promise!

Honestly...this has got to be a joke...right?!?

Katie Holmes has seriously not only lost her personality...but completley lost the ability to function and answer questions like a normal person. My goodness...if the whole point of Scientology is to audit out those pesky thetans within...then for goodness sake give them back to her!

Her latest interview with the Daily Mail is ridiculous (and real).

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LOSE YOUR TEMPER?

I threw a lot of tantrums when I was little and secretly I'd like to throw a tantrum sometimes. That would be empowering, but I have a little girl who likes to do that, too.

WTF kind of an answer is that?!? Be careful though Katie - Tom might not take kindly to this crazy empowerment talk.


WHAT WAS YOUR WEIRDEST EXPERIENCE WITH A FAN?

As you can imagine, there have been many being married to Tom. I was in Boston for my little nephew's baptism and this girl interrupted the ceremony to ask for my autograph. I thought: "Great, here I am in church and in trouble again! The priest is going to be mad at me." That was weird.

Yeah - in trouble because you weren't at the Scientology Centre! Bad Katie. Bad!

WHAT'S YOUR IDEA OF HEAVEN?

Falling in love with Tom and our daughter. I'm such a lucky woman. Sometimes I feel like I'm dreaming.

How can heaven be an action you undertook in the past? Katie...don't worry though - you're not alone - sometimes when I read your interviews...I fall asleep well.

WHAT WERE YOUR DREAMS AS A CHILD?

To marry Tom Cruise! (Laughs)

Let's play a game, let's see if you can place the words 'Tom Cruise' in all your answers.

HOW DID YOU MEET TOM?

We just went on this great date together, and it's been wonderful ever since. He's the most amazing man in the world. I'm so happy. I love him. I feel like he's made my life.

Hmm..almost...keep it up!

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE HIM?

He's just amazing. He's kind, generous, smart, he's Tom Cruise - he's the most artistic man I've ever met.

He makes me laugh like I've never laughed. He's made me feel joy like I never have before. There are so many things. He's the most wonderful human being I know.

Hmm..if being artistic means gay mud wrestling on the weekends - then o.k...I'll give you that one!

WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR WITH?

Tom and Suri.

Right...by Tom...did you mean Tom Cruise?

IS IT HARD TO BALANCE MOTHERHOOD WITH A CAREER?

No, not at all. It's fun. I find it exciting.

Uhh...sorry - what career?

Full riveting interview here.

When D-grade celebst try to be funny

Wow...this is funny stuff, Pete and Ashley are a regular Bergman and Bogart. No seriously.

Sad thing is, I'm pretty sure this is the most productive thing they've done for years.

Wasn't Portia De Rossi pretty at one time?

Honestly...what on earth has Ellen done to her. She looks like a miserable haggard old mess. This is her at an Academy Awards after party. I reckon Ellen is somehow sucking the life out of her - to keep herself looking perenially young - Count Drac style.



See? It wasn't a dream.

What is it about Megan Fox?

I'm sorry, but this has bugged me for a while. She's claims she's 21 (ahem) and although she's a pretty girl there's just something about her. She always just looks...greasy and dirty. Seriously. I wouldn't drink from a glass that she's touched.

This is all exacerbated by her intense desire to become Angelina Jolie II.

Oscars Mandatory Post

I won't lie. The Oscars snore me to tears.



Keri and Heidi looked nice. Even Renee Z looked ok.

Winners were the following:

Best Motion Picture: No Country for Old Men

Best Performance By An Actor In A Leading Role: Daniel Day-Lewis in There Will Be Blood

Best Performance By An Actress In A Leading Role: Marion Cotillard in La Vie en Rose

Best Performance By An Actor In A Supporting Role: Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men

Best Performance By An Actress In A Supporting Role: Tilda Swinton in Michael Clayton

Best Director: Joel Coen and Ethan Coen for No Country for Old Men

(photo credit)

Well well well...that was fast.

That bump looks odd on her frame...and Brad needs a serious nap a different colour foundation...but somehow they still look beautiful. They're at the Independent Spirit Awards sans kids.

Yes Xenu...take her away!

It might just be a trick of perspective...but it sure does look like a flying saucer about to snatch Paris Wonkyeye away...and personally - I'm all for it.

credit

My money's on - pregnant -

...although...50year old women generally don't get pregnant. Conundrum.
Katie Holmes at the Costume Designers Guild Awards.

Wow...that was a surprise!

Pink and Carey Hart are getting a divorce. Wow..what a surprise. I really thought Carey liked his man. Very. Odd.




Case in point

Seriously...'actresses' should be banned from photoshoots

This totally, totally sucks. Jessica Alba is neither a good actor, nor a good model..and worst of all, she's always whingeing about being chased by the media, and being latina in hollywood, and not fitting in and blah wah blah. She better go underground after she pops out child or I'm going to have an episode. From the March issue of Latina magazine.




Special needs child anyone? I'm talking about Alba...not the baby.





Seriously...someone give me a break...

WTF was NY magazine thinking?

Is this a joke. Seriously...this shoot is pathetic...I might as well pretend to be Marilyn in a cheap wig.





the original...

Rest of the disastrous photoshoot here

This is Originality Incarnate

New film with Pfeiffer and Rudd (which is still in the balance)



Other films.

Drowned Rat is the New Sexy?

Ugh. This woman is seriously disgusting.

Holy Moly

Deranged is the new pretty?

Honestly...Scarlett is a pretty girl...but isn't half as photogenic as Natalie. If I were Scar-Jo, I'd totally demand solo-shoots only. Girls are pimping out their new movie; the other Boyleyn girl.

What kind of a dress is this?

Honestly...secret curtains at the back?

This is an actual movie trailer!

WTF? This has got to be the worst movie trailer ever.
ME & You. Us. Forever.

Honestly. Please. Someone slap her for me.

I'm a vegan...but it's not cruel to slap around a dead fish right?!?
Keira arrives at the Orange British Academy Film Awards.

Over-Sculpt

I think sculpting with bronzer was popular in the 90s..and is still popular with some crowds (*cough JLo cough*)...especially around the nose area...but it's not foolin' anyone Katie. Michael Jackson anyone?
BTW...I'm diggin' the hair though.

Fergie Ferg

I don't mean to be crude, but Fergie Ferg is the personification of the saying 'Ridden hard and put out to dry'. And what's with the dress that's meant for someone who's around 10 inches shorter?

*update* honestly. I'm TERRIBLE with any sayings. I've been kindly informed that it's
"ridden hard and put away wet" thanks cap'n and anon :)

Lindsay should work at a tannery

What beautiful hide skine she has...
Lindsay at a pre-Grammy party

Armageddon is Nigh!!!

OMG...I totally going to hide under my desk for a few weeks. The powers of Kabbalah and Scientology together...in one room...in one photo. In an epic war for world domination.
I'm surprised the camera didn't self-destruct.

Seriously. I have to lie down right now.

Check out the crazy woman on the far right (past Rosie)...she's a robot who's totally short-circuited from the stress.

Girlfriend Salma is looking hot

Not bad for just popping out a baby...such a shame she's a worse actress than I am.