Honestly...this has got to be a joke...right?!?

Katie Holmes has seriously not only lost her personality...but completley lost the ability to function and answer questions like a normal person. My goodness...if the whole point of Scientology is to audit out those pesky thetans within...then for goodness sake give them back to her!

Her latest interview with the Daily Mail is ridiculous (and real).

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LOSE YOUR TEMPER?

I threw a lot of tantrums when I was little and secretly I'd like to throw a tantrum sometimes. That would be empowering, but I have a little girl who likes to do that, too.

WTF kind of an answer is that?!? Be careful though Katie - Tom might not take kindly to this crazy empowerment talk.


WHAT WAS YOUR WEIRDEST EXPERIENCE WITH A FAN?

As you can imagine, there have been many being married to Tom. I was in Boston for my little nephew's baptism and this girl interrupted the ceremony to ask for my autograph. I thought: "Great, here I am in church and in trouble again! The priest is going to be mad at me." That was weird.

Yeah - in trouble because you weren't at the Scientology Centre! Bad Katie. Bad!

WHAT'S YOUR IDEA OF HEAVEN?

Falling in love with Tom and our daughter. I'm such a lucky woman. Sometimes I feel like I'm dreaming.

How can heaven be an action you undertook in the past? Katie...don't worry though - you're not alone - sometimes when I read your interviews...I fall asleep well.

WHAT WERE YOUR DREAMS AS A CHILD?

To marry Tom Cruise! (Laughs)

Let's play a game, let's see if you can place the words 'Tom Cruise' in all your answers.

HOW DID YOU MEET TOM?

We just went on this great date together, and it's been wonderful ever since. He's the most amazing man in the world. I'm so happy. I love him. I feel like he's made my life.

Hmm..almost...keep it up!

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE HIM?

He's just amazing. He's kind, generous, smart, he's Tom Cruise - he's the most artistic man I've ever met.

He makes me laugh like I've never laughed. He's made me feel joy like I never have before. There are so many things. He's the most wonderful human being I know.

Hmm..if being artistic means gay mud wrestling on the weekends - then o.k...I'll give you that one!

WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR WITH?

Tom and Suri.

Right...by Tom...did you mean Tom Cruise?

IS IT HARD TO BALANCE MOTHERHOOD WITH A CAREER?

No, not at all. It's fun. I find it exciting.

Uhh...sorry - what career?

Full riveting interview here.