Bit of a gaff

Listen, I'm not the biggest fan of Katie Holmes, but you think someone would have told her to take off the clear gaffer tape from the top of the dress...unless of course the whole thing is some Scientology symbol to represent being kidnapped, gagged, and eventually suffocated.

These girls are like...totally innovative

Glasses = smart lookin'. Why didn't I think of that. This new bright young things are seriously turning my world upside down. Surely though, with all those smarts, things like underwear should not be forgotten?

I need some space to grieve

I'll admit that I don't get teary at much....but when I found the news...I had to sit by myself in a dark room for a while. I know you won't believe it...but the perfection that was the Anderson/Rock partnership does appear to have endeth.

About a month too late

I'm not exactly sure when it all started getting scary for Ashlee Simpson...but it's definitely scary right now. It's kind of like one of the experiments that looks fine at first....and then slowly but surely starts to go wrong...personally, I'm scared her head might topple off, which I guess wouldn't be the worst thing.

Minnie Minnie Minnie

Ordinarily, I don't mind Minnie Driver, she appears to have a life outside her rather brief Hollywood career...but seriously...is she just begging for me to notice her?

Make it stop

Paris Hilton's and Britney's PR people have gotten together to come up with a visual assault that seeks to eclipse all others before it. This is a train wreck...a train wreck somewhere remote where rescue efforts haven't yet been able to reach the location and bodies are starting to seriously decompose...so much so that even the vulchers vultures are steering clear. I present to you Parney...or Brilton. Whatever.

Mariah never lets me down...

ever...

...and another Olsen makes 3

Well...

looks like the Spederline years will be looked on as her golden age...she makes her new BFF look...well, put together.

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Oh dear...I see a bleak outlook ahead

O.k....I bag out people all the time so fair's fair. Here's my turn.
Let's see.
Charity Event. Check
Holding alcoholic drink. Check
Looking like a wax figurine. Check
Photo being sold by a random media agency. Check

Oh my goodness...I have just clamboured up to the world of wannabe D-grade celebutante? I seriously need to lie down.

Can you sense the excitement coursing through my veins?

I present to you Mr and Mrs Cruise...but O.k...here's the thing. What is the point of joining a stark-raving mad cult and not going crazy at the wedding?!? I wanted space suits or something. This.is.snore.



This photo is probably more indicative of the way the bride was feeling. I'm guessing the sedatives wore off for a few minutes.



I never thought I'd say this, but I'm actually happy Posh Spice turned up...at least someone was getting into the spirit of the ridiculous.

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Wow...she beats me again

Everyime I think I've seen the worst of Diaz...she sets the bar higher and higher.
Word on the street however is that she's finally gotten that nose done.

TomKat Get Hitched

They're finally married...in Rome.
I believe these pictures were taken the day before the wedding, or just after. I don't know...I'm confused. The guest list was full of dying celebrities and Scientology peeps. I'm not sure if Holmbies parents showed up. Girlfriend is trying to channel Princess Mary.




A snippet of the fabulous guest list...I guess she got the "something old" in the form of a skeleton...how crafty of those Scientologists!


While Posh and Becks try out the new Swedish ski lodge porn look. Hot.

Ummm...

meanwhile though...her on-again BFF is working the new hair...and managing to stay away from the garbage bag chic.

Victoria's Secret reinforces the "not created equal" thing

My favourite models on the same runway.

Giselle


Jessica Stam


Julia Stegnar aka Crooked Mouth


Karolina Kurkova

Someone ran out of money at the nipple line

...girlfriend is looking like half a shiny, happy freak person.

What are mothers for

...if they can't help you flog your bras and undies?

Introducing mama Jordan

Such beautiful vows of love

Apparently these two kooks are getting married on the weekend. You've got to hand it to L. Ron, he certainly was a man of romance and love. Excerpts from traditional scientology vows reveal perfectly normal demands.
Holmes will be asked to keep Cruise content through a life filled with "fret and pain". (actually...that sounds pretty damn accurate)....and a section from the service reads, "Girls need clothes and food and tender happiness and frills and a comb, perhaps a cat."
Of course...

Spot the Difference

...yeah, I can't see any difference either.

Tara...what are you doing?

Umm...is Tara Reid looking remotely normal? She.cannot.be.doing.this.to.us.
After years of endless and priceless entertainment....she's gone and done this to the people who follow her the most? This is preposterous! Doesn't she realise her freakiness was the last thing of interest about her? Let's just hope this is a sick joke on her part, if not, then bye-bye Tara.

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Gwen is making it SO hard for me

I have loved Gwen for around 10 years. I'm loyal...but seriously, what is this?!? She looks fantastic...but what is that "Wind it Up" drone in the background? She's making Fergie look like goddamn Puccini...and it really pains me to say that.

Eva (Cruise) wishes you a hot weekend

I still don't know who this Eva Green character is. I know she's one of the Bond girls...but at the moment she just looks like a Holmbie imitation...minues the zombie part, which even so, isn't exactly the best thing.

The real Holmbie and Cruise in the meantime, dropped $10k on a dinner and a few thousand on some perfume...to be honest, after my heartbreak over KFed and Britney, I'm really putting in all my positive energy on the last truly legitimate couple.

Attack of the Covers...again.

While Cameron and Kiki disappear in some sort of very coincidental "haze"...I think geneticists should be called in because I think J-Lo has just turned into a Caucasian woman...who knew it was that easy? Michael Jackson's going to freak out.
Why people like to buy magazines with fug women on them whose features then have to be chopped and changed into oblivion is beyond me.

Bring back the era of the model please...I'm dying here.

Hillary Duff speaks...and shouldn't make it a habit.

Speaking about filming in Bulgaria she recently said:
"They really love salads! I like Bulgaria a lot because their vegetables are super fresh...In America, an apple can last a week because of preservatives and pesticides, but in Bulgaria, after a day or two, it will be old."

They should totally get her to be their tourism minister. Forget the architecture or the history. Hell...go for the crusty apples!

I've lost my faith in the world

There's not much to report on today except of course, the Federline's divorce. I don't understand what went wrong...they were such a perfect couple, married for exactly the right reasons, always very low key....I really believed they were going to make it. I just don't understand what could have set them off course...speaking of off course, what's going on with her breasts?

thanks for the heads up kirsten :)

Excuse me, I think I just had a near-fatal heart attack

I know about the photoshop...but even so...could it be possible that Cameron here looks a little unlike her usual fugliest-woman-in-the-world self? I seriously need to lie down. These pictures are going to haunt me for weeks. Whoever did this shoot and the photoshop is a miracle worker and needs to apply his/her skills to Keira Shitely and Gwhineth Patrow...just to name a few.

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Umm...I don't think Bosworth got the memo

Gorging on half a piece of celery a week is starting to take its toll on poor Kate...the role of Queen Amidala is over...and even if it wasn't...umm...let's be to be honest Kate, a concept that looks good on the incredibly symmetrical Portman don't always translate well on wannabe anorexic 10year old girls. Girl is in Australia...doing, something.

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