It's Love/Hate Baby.

...and people ask why we hate on Mariah?

Consistency Girls

In an ever-changing, unpredictable world...we sometimes need consistency girls. You can just tell that that these girls will be the same through any Chernobyl, natural disaster, or war in the future . If you ever need tits, grease, and/or slag...you know where you can always go (and be welcome)...

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Angie takes St John is BACK!

I guess this is only going to make sense to people who read way too many fashion-magazines...but who else has been annoyed by the weird Kelly Gray (and those awful clothes) for practically 10 years? Well...it appears that she may have gotten the boot....and I must say, St Johns have attoned for their error rather well.

Nicole and Fergie...we need to talk.

Nicole. I'm going to be frank with you. Looking emaciated, miserable and tired is perhaps forgiveable. Resembling anything like bloody Star Jones...is not. Think about that.

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And Fergie? Well...I think it's pretty clear to all that the time for talking has now passed... Stop taking the Elvis-drugs is all the advice I can offer.

Heather Locklear has been posessed by the devil

Heather honey...I know your marriage, career, and body might be falling apart...but that's no excuse for channelling the dark forces! Sweets, you've got to find your inner Amanda, give the Desperate Housewives casting team some action, and stop with the "I wish I had some lame Estee Lauder contract in the bag" nonsense...You've still got L'Oreal...and you don't seem to have that rather annoying personality trait of always telling us that you're God. Heather...I'm imploring you...to take your soul back...before you lose it forever.

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Save us the wait and just take off

We've all established by now that Heath Ledger The Prick is going to leave her asap...so why is he wasting time with the weird Public Display of Affection on the balcony? What is this...Vaughniston meets Michel Jackson? Poor Michelle, I think it still hasn't quite gotten through to her that there is a serious inverse relationship between PDA and length of relationship. I bet her and her ex-costar Katie Holmes get together to talk about about their fabulous 'fiances' together.

Scarlett celebrates women!

Yes...what better way to make a difference to the world state of gender issues than to sign-up with awe-inspring-tagline toting L'Oreal...Scarlett says:

"It's wonderful to be working with L'Oreal, a company that has celebrated independent women for years."

Cool Scar-J. The cockles of my heart a warm now.

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"Maybe if I dress like a dickhead I can get Angelina as well"

Who knows what Robbie is really thinking? In any case...I seem to be completely out of the loop with the whole Brangelina drama...not only is Angelina pregnant (for about the 7th time)but indeed she's already told M-Aniston about it....yeah, I missed something as well it seems.

thanks sleazyred and dlisted for the brange talk!

Five Bucks a Pop

O.K...so last time I was a little bit mean to Dennis Quaid and his Hollywood Walk of Fame Star...but we all worked together and eventually came up with something resembling a body of work...but Queen Latifah?!? Getting a 'star' is definitely easier than getting a copy of Paris's sex tape...I mean, Latifah's last 'major' movie Taxi placed me on suicide watch...

The Mystery of Li-Lo's Breasts

I don't understand how a person's implants can keep disappearing and reappearing at random. In any case, I would heartily recommend this porta-breast phenomenon to any struggling starlet without any talent to her name. I'm convinced that's what's keeping Li-Lo in business. She's in Vanity Fair this month where she's milking her incredibly boring "I almost died" story once more..and in other news, it appears she may be knocked up...*snore* this girl is truly knocking my socks off...

Keanu and Amanda Lepore

I guess the only real mystery is as to who goes on top...I mean...let's face it, we all know who's penis is larger.

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Inmate...anyone?

I know Joaquin singing to inamtes in Fulsom State Prison has something to do with Johnny Cash...or something...It's Joaquin. He's Singing. He Looks Great. I (along with those who are so inclined) don't need much more than that.

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Bloggies Are Here

Hey Guys,
The 2006 Bloggies have come around...so feel free to nominate whichever blogs happened to take your fancy in 2005 :)

Social Services Intervention Request

I'd love to say she was hanging out with her intellectual equals...but I refuse to be mean to the under 12s crowd...and by the way...WHO IS LETTING THEIR KIDS HANG OUT WITH MARIAH?!?...Weird Jesus-Juice lovin' Prince of Pop is one thing...but Mariah?...That woman is kid-corruption incarnate.

Gwyneth is paying someone to kick her out of her house

Gwyneth Paltrow is apparently quite concerned about 'bad vibes' in her house and has hired some Kabbalah kook Rabbi to exorcise them out of her house...The ritual requires 10 men to chant psalms.

I'm guessing what she doesn't realise yet is that the key to eliminating the 'bad vibes' situation in her house (and indeed the world) is to get rid of herself...10 men chanting? That's not going to do anything...10 TBLE readers...with chainsaws and icepicks...that might work a bit better.

The package deal of being rich isn't always so hot

Little Cruz is still blissfully ignorant...but Romeo...he knows exactly what kind of mortification he's in for at least another 10.long.years.

Save Paris Hilton

Some 40 y/o guy has obviously taken over her arm and hand...who will save our very own Hulk?

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The shining beacons of 2006

Just goes to show that you can never have too much fug in your life.

Michael Bolton sans hair still continues to scare me

I always thought the essence of my Bolton fear was his disturbing hair-situation...but alas...it's not. It's just him...and I must say, his bad low-budget impersonation of David Hasselhoff isn't helping him any. Although for the "I wish I was Pamela Locklear" girl he's managed to snag...I guess it's enough.

Happy New Year Sweets!

Hey Guys,
I hope you all had a fab NYE...and if you didn't...well...at least be grateful that you didn't spend it with either our favourite old hag Lindsay Lohan at South Beach, or Fran Drescher at...I don't wish to know where...

Let's face it...we all can't spend New Years with a drunken karaoke lovin' mess the best...:)

It's going to be a good year kids..I can feel it. Thanks for all your support in 2005.
love all you crazy kids,
elisa