Colin Farrell's career has taken a dive....

...so naturally, he's doing what any self-respecting trashy publicity-whore does and has dutifully checked himself into a random clinic that deals with exhaustion and an addiction to prescription drugs...I'm guessing his new film "Miami Vice" is going to totally tank.

Angelina's Ex-Girlfriend gives Brad another reason to stick around

Brad beware! Angelina is a lesbian. Or at least, that's what her ex-girlfriend, Jenny Shimizu is saying. Oh come on...like Brad cares...you know he's with her for the kinky stuff that Jennifer M-Aniston wasn't diggin'. Besides...Saint Angelina would never engage in that kind of un-godly bahaviour...We all know that any lesbian sex she engaged/s in was probably part of some bigger and secret master plan to help save a starving nation...or something.

Jessica Simpson is the New Armani

Wow...I can't get over how awesome the range from Jessica Simpson's clothing line is...The main selling point for me is...the amazing versatility and practicality of the stuff...you could wear this kind of stuff anywhere, and always feel fabulous. Macy's here I come!


This jacket is only $220.00!




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How Much Are they Paying David Bowie

Last time, some of you noticed David Bowie at Isabella Cruises' soccer game...and...he's back. I want to know how much they're paying this guy to attend...surely he can try to put out another "Best Of" album and get free of this Scientology hold.


...and I don't want an crazy, that's his mother stories either... :)

Kate Beckinsale Saves her Husband some Money.

First of all, whenever 'celebrities' begin to speak of their marriage in Playboy magazine...you know that the relationship is heading to an end. I guess they figure that while they're losing each other, they may as well gain some publicity before the divorce really places them onto prime time.

This time, it's Kate Beckinsale. She's so nice, she saves her husband from the high cost of Internet porn and strips off for her guy via webcam...when she's away making...movies?...She certainly seems like a very assertive girl, she says of the webcam idea:

"It was Len's idea and he set them up. He tells me what to wear each evening. It
really helps our relationship."

She then goes onto explain:

"There's no way we are keeping it clean. That's the whole point. It's just like when you get a photocopier and you just have to do one of your bum. It's just one of those rules of life."

...which makes me think Kate is an excellent good candidate at explaining Shakira's album cover...and could definitelybe able to hack being Mariah Carey's bathroom assistant.

NY Wishes You the Swellest of Weekends

Hey My Sweets,

Well, as you know, I'm now graduated and idle...and what better for a new G.I. than to go to N.Y for a tad, in order to fully enjoy my G.I. status while I can? I'm flying out tomorrow, and I'll be there for six weeks. I'm pretty confident the blog will be operating as usual during that period...and hope to report back as usual on Monday.
Anyone that wants to save me from a full-time business job and give me a hot, writer-y, interesting internship/job...just holla :) haha.
love,
elisa

O.K.Shakira...put the apple down...slowly.

O.k...I understand that this is Shakira we're talking about...and that not much of what she says/writes ever makes sense...but seriously. What's happening here? Am I missing something? I have a feeling this was taken by the same photographer who came up with the brilliant and classic Mariah Christmas shoot.

O.k...so she's Eve presumably...and...the little kid has... and Oral Fixation of sorts? Or is it a supposed to be a kid-snake? Or God? I think a dead dog hanging around somewhere would make this whole thing a lot clearer for me.

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Britney Spears is Dickmatised.

Am I struggling to find news? Indeed I am :) To steal an expression from MichaelK, Britney Spears is totally Dickmatised. She's taken K-Fed back...bad rapping and all. Apparently the guy was begging for her...and his car back. This guy's penis is obviously bigger than her brain.

J-Lo sends Ben and Jen a letter-bomb

Well..the article reckons that it's a package of "goods"...whatever. I would have someone test every food item and inspect the 'baby clothes' for arsenic...there's no way that's a good-will present there.

They reckon that makeup is for a movie...we know the truth.

Naomi took on role of King Kong Script Unseen

...as if that's some big surprise. Naomi Watts might be cute, but the only thing she really had to her name was what on earth happened in this thing? Mullholland Drive, a failed relationship with Creep Ledger...and a car speeding down the highway to 40. She would've taken Showgirls II script unseen as well if the opportunity had come.

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Gwyneth Hates Those Fireman Sissies

This news is a couple of days old...but somehow my Gwen-hate radar went down for a while. Gwyneth thinks that Americans are pathetic in the way they dealth with 9/11. She much prefers the stiff upper-lip style of the English.

"I find the English amazing how they got over 7/7...There were no multiple memorials with people sobbing as they would have been in America...There, they are constantly scaring people but at the same time, people think nothing of going to see a therapist."

What does scaring people and seeing a therapist have to do with anything? But anyway...to the important points...people sobbing!...crying!...can you imagine? Damn weaklings! When I grow up, I wanna be just like I Gwyneth, and never cry at anything...

Nicole and DJ AM call it Quits as well

The engagement's off kids...I guess the minister wasn't really feeling all that comfortable marrying two people whose combined weight doesn't equal that of one average person. Are any couples going to make it throught the 2005 festive season intact?

Paris and her STDs are totally overjoyed.

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Elisita's "How to Be a Boring Drama Queen" Tips

Tip #526894

In one of our previous tips, we explained how you should wait until your ex-husband finds a more attractive woman with kids...and how to proceed. Now me move onto making sure you sue a couple of photographers, look really creepy/mannish on ALL magazine covers...oh! and don't forget to burn your wedding dress in a really over-the-top cheesy ceremony around the fire, making sure you invite all your boring, sychophantic friends.

While Cher is like..totally still alive...

Unfortunately, David Beckham's eyebrows aren't exactly faring that same fate.

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Poor Mariah

Let's just say I wouldn't want to be her 'Bathroom Assistant'...

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Some People are Scarier Than Others

I'm not going to say much about Melissa Joan Hart...the poor woman is obviously carrying some Cruise-esque child, is very much a C-List actress, and you can just tell she's never going to amount to much in the Hollywood machine. You can't really find this girl scary without feeling bad.

But Jennifer...this is a professional shoot, this is photoshopped...the more I look at it...the more I truly am scared.Your mouth is hypnotic...in the most un-complimentary way.

thanks JustinR for the creepy Jen pic!!!

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All I Want For Christmas....is to get rid of you.

What's going on here? Everyone's giving up on everlasting love just when couples like TomKat, Paris and Stavros, and Mariah carey and her Dead Dog were beginning to convince us that it really was a possible goal.

Christina Applegate and Jonathan "I always look like a prick" Schaech have called it quits...

While Heather and Richie look like they're heading down the same path as well...we all know the guy has sex with Bon Jovi on a regular basis...so there really isn't much of a surprise there. Apparently their big fight was regarding having more children (she doesn't want any)...but at 44, I don't think Heather has much to worry about.

Dennis...we need to talk.

I can only assume that Dennis is channeling Jessica Simpson in order to please Joe.

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It's the real thing now people.

Eminem says that he and his ex-wife Kim are considering re-marrying. Looks like his rehab really screwed up his head. This time it's real y'all....for sure. He's never going to want to kill her ever again.

The Real Reason behind the Jess and Nick Divorce

Apparently Jessica won't let her divorce get in the way of her lifetime aspiration of being a travestite-wrestling champion. Good on YOU Jess...you go....girl?

We know she was beating him.