Russell Crowe makes kids

I don't know about you guys,,,,but the news that Russell Crowe is going to be a father again gives me more than enough information on the matter...do we really care as to where the thing was conceived? ...o.k..so it was in France, for the interested. Anyway...New Zealand's Australia's own little media whore wasn't content with just unleashing that piece of news...he's also been babbling on making an Australian Gone With The Wind with Nicole Kidman....
Russell baby...seriously...yes...my wit is unparalled we don't give a damn.

Golden Globes Run-Down

O.k...so I'm not totally sure on who won exactly...but Brokeback Mountain won Best Director and Best Film...and Joaquin Phoenix won for Walk to Line...so consider me happy.

For a rundown let's see...there were breasts...

...some "I want to be the human version of Nicole Kidman"...

a dose of the "I bet I can look scarier than you"-game...distinguishing between the amateurs and the true professionals.

some "If I wasn't aiming for an Oscar I wouldn't be standing next to this guy...and certainly wouldn't be smiling"...

followed by some Alanis"What in god's name has happened to me?" Morissette

...then there was "We're so cool we don't want to be here...but goddamn it...we're here anyway...making an appearance every.single.time."

...some Gwyneth "I can't believe I wasn't offered the Elizabeth Bennet role...bloody plebs...you'll regret it when I get my damehood" Paltrow

...some stiff but pretty posing

...finishing up with the classic mistake of trusting the cut-price new stylist you hired who just completed her summer intership at the Young and the Restless wardrobe department.

Katie and the case of the fluctuating bump

Dlisted thinks it's a 600 thread-count pillow...whereas I'm just confused and looking for the David Bowie regular who gives me comfort.

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Jordan wants you to be happy

Forget goddamn Jenny Craig or personal trainers...The Jordan Workout is definitely the one for those of you who have been piling on the pounds during the holidays....if you can't afford the tapes...then you can always just dress up as a creepy cheerleader and parade around the shops pretending you're a cool 80s prostitute...

Y'All Ain't Ready For This

No...it's noot a new Federline excapade...it's old school baby. Sharon Stone is actually already promoting the follow up to Basic Instinct. I don't even understand why the producers are bothering with cinema...it should go straight to video next to BoobWatch II and Showgirls IV. Who am I kidding? I'm going to be camping out for this.

Jessica Simpson is Evolving

When I grow up and make money...the first thing I'm going to do is make a bee-line to a damn plastic surgeon and demand to get rectangular lips...just like my idol.

...or else I'd settle for just like to look vaguely creepy like Newtown-John's daughter...

Forget Crack...

Chaps...are the new Whack.

Brangelina and Bump Work Haiti

O.k...so I'm guessing there's no more specualtion about the whole blah blah pregnancy story. TomKat Brangelina and Bump were doing some charity thing in Haiti...yeah...whatever. It's quite obvious to me that their main joint-purpose is to get M-Aniston to kill herself after subjecting her to long, slow, photographically induced torture. If they could somehow get Gwyneth to 'disappear' as well...then the plan would get greater approval from my quarter.

Kathy Hilton becomes Serena's BFF instead

I know you're all loving this emerging "I'm totally washed up...Hey! look at my breasts through thinly veiled material!" club. You can always count on desperate C and D-listers make ones life complete.

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Serena should be Britney's new BFF

Serena Willams is adamant about not letting us keep any food down...for at least a week.

Alien Exchange Programme

Maybe its because I've had a couple of drinks...but I almost feel sorry for Posh. I can taste the desperation, I can see the sucking up...and I can see the life-time of her starving herself in order to one day be Tom's mistress...with the side benefit of being certified alien-free. What she doesn't know yet though...is that during this shopping time with Katie...Becks has already tapped Tom...twice.

Lauren Holly undertakes her rite of passage

Remember Lauren Holly?!?...yeah, me neither actually...you all know that's not true...but I'm guessing she's realised that the only way a C-lister can gracefully enter the official D-list...is with a serious pair of saggy, oversized breasts. I'm guessing she's carefully analysed the spectacular way pros like Tara, Mariah, and Hunter have achieved things. These inspirational women, with whom Lauren can now be associated with, know what has to be done in order to make dreams a beautiful reality.

Nicole needs to purge some aliens out of her system

I know Nicole isn't a Scientologist...but somehow...she has a rare talent to scare me just as much as if she were one.

France gives Penelope some 'acting' accolade

O.k...I get that the French aren't all that keen on giving awards to Americans...but that shouldn't mean that they go beserk and start giving awards at random with the only criterion for selection being 'non-American'. Penelope was given a knight in the Order of Arts and Letters yesterday from the French Cultural minister. He said she was a "great European actress"... ???

Since he can't be referring to any of her mainstream movies...I'm only guessing this 'great acting' occured in some weird Euro hard-core sex tape that I'm so far unaware of...

great European actress"

St John Update

I know you're all secret Angelina fanatics...I also know that you were all annoyed with those bloody old St John ads. Some better shots have come through of her new ad campaign. I could rehash the rumour that she's pregnant...but you know me...I never repeat a story.

Got Camelot?

Someone needs to take Posh aside and let her know very simply...that she is not the new Jackie-O...and to be honest, doesn't even make it onto the O-lite range...although you never know...she might qualify for the O-in-Drag section.

Let's not rely on Becks to tell her the sad truth...he's too engrossed in becoming the 6th member of Queer Eye For the Straight Guy...or maybe he could just replace Ted.

Brad and Ange are kids-a-go-go

Well...the rumours are getting louder and louder...Angelina does appear in fact, the be pregnant. Like the People bump, it all seems a little fabricated...but who cares? It allows for even more dicey stories to appear...like the one that both Gwyneth and M-Aniston are jealous and want to take Angie down...

Snark-Free Zone.

Gwen Stefani is starting up her own LAMB baby-wear because:

"Babies have nothing to wear, so I am in the perfect position to rectify
that."

I don't know if she yet understands that babies don't last in any outfit for very long...or that cool accesories usually don't cry or excrete fluids all over the shop. But you know me...I can't really snark on my girl...especially when she's wearing her bangs like that.

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What Happened?

Stacey "Fergie" Ferguson.

How many hours until he gets completely beat up?

...or hombré con hombré-d?...

Prince William is going to the Sandhurst Military Academy...and doesn't he look like the the exact type that would thrive on army life?