Sympathy Stars?

Dennis Quaid has been awarded a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame...umm...what has this guy ever been in? Has he even been on any type of screen (adult movies perhaps? anyone?) in the last 10 years?

I wasn't aware that the main criteria for receiving a star was getting dumped by a rigidly type-cast actress in favour of a phone-throwing, beer guzzling, I-think-I-can-sing egomaniac....
You learn something new everyday.

Kate Winslet...is still hot.

I'm not a fan of actresses replacing models in magazines...it kind of goes against a sticking-to-your-core-competency strategy...but if it must be the case...then I want to see less talentless, rather frightening, and unattractive girls...and more of...Kate Winslet :) I love her so much I'm willing to overlook the fact that she's starting to look a little like Kylie Minogue...damn nose job that she didn't need.

The 'It' Girls Update

Our favourite billionaire twin monkeys look grateful for all they've managed to attain during their lives...I just have a question...why/how is Ashley (newly? pouting blonde) considered the pretty one? To put it bluntly, the girl looks all over the shop.

While Kimberley Stewart shows the world her fiance...some guy from Laguna Beach. This guy reminds me of exactly the kind of guy you would AVOID (no matter how much alcohol you drank) during Spring Break...not the kind of guy you would be accepting any 'diamond' rings from...but then again...this is Kimberley Stewart...the always-belated-in-action, can't-quite-snag-a-Greek-billionaire: Paris Hilton twin.

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Keira continues to freak me out

o.k...so she's reached a new level...she even manages to freak me out when she doesn't pout...her face looks like it's been stuck on by photoshop assistant who just finished partying with Pete Doherty...she's currently in American Vogue...trying her best to hide the fact that she is indeed the wicked witch of the west.

Don't miss the full freak out experience here. :)

thanks dlisted for the links.

Pierce Brosnan's Gravy Train has ended

Pierce Brosnan has never done a thing for me...and until recently...I thought he was the worst Bond ever. Faux-charm has never been my thing. Pierce is apparently very upset about the fact that the Bond producers have chosen someone else. I guess a hearty "Fuck You" is not totally out of order...when one is replaced by a scary German villain...but I'm guessing what's really at the heart of his outburst, are those pesky rumours that Angelina is going to be in the new Bond film...as some semi-main character.

Sienna Miller tries to be the Kate Moss-lite of our lives

I rather like Sienna Miller...but someone needs to kindly, but firmly tell her...that she is not, and never will be an adequate replacement for Kate Moss...*sigh*...where is "What Would Janice Dickinson Do" when you need her :)

Jennifer wins Man of the Year Award!!!

I'm telling you...this blog gets read by big-wigs...or, what is perhaps the most probably alternative...what I say is plainly obvious to all...In any case...my "Jennifer Aniston could give Fabio a serious run for his money" argument has not fallen upon deaf ears. GQ have given her the "Man of the Year" award...alongside Fiddy and Vince Vaughn. o.k...so it's technically "Woman of the Year"...but they've never given out one of those gongs before...and they were probably just trying to butter up Aniston's publicist...Aniston herself is probably too caught up in her own self-indulgent issues to notice that they're making fun of her.

p.s...I'm seeing way too much of Aniston lately than can be healthy...I think I'm going to write a lame pop song lashing out at her for invading my space...following me around every newsstand I go to :)

thanks Justin R. for the link!!!

Sexiest Man Alive?

Yes...I'm way late...but what is going on here? First Jessica Biel...now this? At least Jessica had the mandatory bolt-on breasts, and crazy Restilyn lips to put her in solid contention for the spot...but Matthew McConaughey? He's got nothing other than being able to claim Tom Cruises' sloppy seconds for himself...which in light of events...is rather frightening.

Where did he get the money to pay People Magazine for the Top Spot?

What I find much funnier is the picture People decided to place of Vaughn....does this bear any resemblance to the guy Jennifer Aniston managed to snag?

Happy Belated Birthday Tara

Once you've seen a girls' botched nipple...you start to get the feeling that you know her...and should in fact be invited to attend her 30th birthday party...alas, this was not the case for me...but Happy Birthday anyway Tara...and just to show you that I'm not bitter...I'll even complement the shapeless rose on the side of your dress...tres elegante.

Katie is a Drag Queen

Ummm...I don't know who they think they're fooling...but I know, and I know you know...EXACTLY what's going on. The whole thing makes a LOT more sense now actually...Dicey Shenanigans.

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p.s...I'll be back posting on Wednesday.

You've taken Pete's passport...haven't you?

Poor Pete Doherty has lost his passport...he thinks it's a grand conspiracy to stop him from visiting his girlfriend? Kate Moss in the U.S. At the moment he's going insane accusing everyone of stealing it from him.

"He's driving himself, and everyone around him, loopy. He's been ringing up all
his mates accusing them of taking it. He's paranoid and convinced some people
are doing all they can to keep him from Kate."

Why a man who has completely lost his mind, career, and is in the process of losing his life, is remotely concerned about losing his passport...well, not surprising.

Remember the $5m ring?

Well, we all knew it, it was fake, along with the whole engagement. The ring in question was 24 carats of precious...glass that she bought for herself. Buying your own fake engagement ring because your monkey-esque boyfriend wouldn't ever dream of marrying you...so that photographers can follow you around is so hot.

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Sound of Musty Music

Well, the gang, minus snooty Christopher Plummer met up again for the special Anniversary DVD, no doubt due to fact that most of them haven't been able to find an acting gig since the film...and need to milk this baby for as long as they can. They all look like they've gone through the ringer....except Julie Andrews...who eerily looks the same. When I grow up, I want to save money on my surgery bills and be embalmed just like Julie...

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Quick Week Rundown

Well...Mary-Kate Olsen managed to polish herself up some...no doubt in light of the fact that her ex-boyfriend Stavros tried to kill Paris Hilton.

The fashion industry has forgiven Kate Moss, and she appears to be back....looking more gloriously stoned than ever...I'm guessing they're thinking along the lines of fake-tan being the new smack.

While Jennifer Aniston vies for her ex-husband's SExiest Man Alive title....although...I'm guessing she'd be happy just with replacing Fabio on a couple of Mills&Boone covers.

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Exams Exams Exams

Hey guys,
Yes...they're happening right now...and since I don't have Oprah to whinge to if I fail them...I think I may just have to study for them...just one of the drawbacks of writing about relatively rich celebrities, as opposed to being a relatively rich celebrity :) I'll post back tomorrow evening.
love,
elisa.

Cameron is a a subtle girl

There is nothing I like more in a girl than subtlety...
however...if this possible engagement induces her to keep at least half her face covered from me until their eventual divorce...then I'm willing to forgive any initial subtelty issue that I ever had with Cameron.

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Tom Cruise wants us to forget that he's criminally insane

Well...Tom's finally dropped his sister as his publicist and hired Paul Bloch. I'm guesing Mr Bloch is either strapped for cash, a masochist, or is Cruise's special 'friend'. I guess Cruise reckons that all the reports calling him a maniac have nothing whatsover to do with his own behaviours...I mean...obviously this is just a misunderstood average Joe who cares about people...man.

Jessica Alba wishes to postpone her descent into hard-core porn

Jessica is confused as to why she always gets offered soft-porn roles disguised as blockbuster films. Personally, I think she should rephrase her own question into wondering how she gets any roles at all.

She says:

"The scripts I get are always for the whore, or the motorcycle chick in leather,
or the horny maid...I get all those screenplays that start, 'Tawnya is in the
shower. The water streams down her naked, perky breasts'...Somehow, I don't
think this is happening to Natalie Portman."

I honestly cannot think as to why Jessica isn't getting serious roles...such a waste of amazing talent...perhaps she should form a "Just-because-plastic-surgery-has-made-me-look-like-an-alien-doesn't-mean-I'm-like...not-a-serious-actress" club making sure to invite Jessica Simpson.

Elisita's Survival Tips

Tip #52685

If you get rejected by your Option A husband for a (albeit unstable) younger, beautiful, and more talented woman the best thing you can do for yourself is to talk about it at any opportunity you can, while also saying that you wish to maintain your privacy. Crying is a very desirable option...remember that most women will take your side because they don't really like younger, beautiful, and more talented women.

If you find yourself in these circumstances, you should immediately hook-up with some random unattractive man, in order to get some attention...so that you can then safely complain about the attention. This Option C man is basically so happy to get laid, he will not care that you're always whingeing, talking, or alluding about you ex-husband and his woman whenever you get the chance. He may even comfort you. The fringe benefit of this is that he can even start to complain about media attention as well.

It is in this period that you must begin your transformation....remember the rules....sinew and bone....sinew and skin...if you can't visibly see the outline of the muscles in your arm...you are not yet ready to move on 'up the bridge' to an Option B man.

thanks Justin Raethel for the pic!

Joaquin either takes drugs or is insane...and neither of those possibilities make me love him any less

Apparently Joaquin likes to enhance his movie premiere experience with magic 'meat for vegetarians'...or he just likes to pretend that he is tripping on the red carpet...Personally, I tend to think that there really was a frog threatening to eat his grey matter...and the reporter is just covering up.

At the AFI premiere:

Out of the blue, Phoenix suddenly changed the subject, asking, “Do I
have a large frog in my hair?”
Reporter: No, no.
Phoenix: “Something’s crawling out of my scalp.”
Reporter: No, you look great.
Phoenix:
“No, but I feel it. I’m not worried about the looks. I’m worried about the
sensation of my brain being eaten. … What did you ask me?”

This is a good enough excuse to post pictures of him as any :)

thanks so much Annie Y for the link!

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