Angelina's father likes hips more than his granddaughter

Angelina doesn't speak with her father Jon Voight...personally, I'm not blaming her. Here's what the sweet, doting grandfather had to say for Maddox's birthday.

Voight:Maddox just had a birthday. Happy birthday, Maddox! 5 years old--it's a big one! You're getting to be a young man, and I send my love to you. And send my love to...uh...Shakira...and...Shahira...
[To reporter] Is it Shakira or Shahira?
Reporter: Zahara.
Voight: Shahara! Shahara!

This man, like, totally should shack up with Jessica Simpson...we all know she likes the daddy-types.

Video here...it hasn't worked for me, but perhaps it will work for you :)

French Elle doesn't mess about with its covers

...although perhaps having Monica as opposed to the Simpson sisters or the Duff-ster helps a tad.

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New levels of publicity-whoredom

I think it's a sign of rather desperate times when you have to create you own fake pregnancy rumours to get a bit of publicity...

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Eva Longoria hasn't changed...one bit.

Girlfriend has always been fug...nowadays it's just more Jessica Simpson fug.

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Fairchild is still hot

Sure she looks surger-ied up to her eyeballs (inclusive)...but at least she looks oddly good. She's working her creepy old but non-old look...as long as one doesn't look at her breasts...that start from her shoulders...

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Emmy Rundown

We had the good:


We had the "I haven't been on TV in years":


We had the perenially, ridiculously annoying:


And we even had visitors from disadvantaged circles e.g. the homeless

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Celine Dion is nuts...but she wishes you a fab weekend!

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Cross-eyed Kiki

Other than tom Cruise getting booted from Paramount, there isn't too much happening in vapid-ville...so I leave you with the latest Interview magazine cover of a very cross-eyed Kiki Dunst...sometimes I love the fact that art directors have no idea how to use photoshop :)

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The Office does Microsoft

The UK "The Office" team (don't get me started on the US version) have been commissioned by Microsoft UK to do two "training videos". It's really funny. Check it out:

Uh...Nelly? Is that you?

What has she done to her face? Girlfriend is looking a lot like Fergie these days...and that's not a look I would ever recommend actually paying for...



Before:

Liz Hurley does Vanity Fair

O.k...so we know that damn thing is airbrushed to death...but at least the Italians know what the hell they're doing with photoshop...as opposed to others. Liz looks good here. O.k. I admit it. There's no news.

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Richie goes for Hepburn

She's trying to Audrey-esque in her father's video. It kind of doesn't work..but it's a hell of a lot better than Paris' attempt last year...at least I don't feel like I've caught ghonorrhea when I look at this.

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Madonna is more brainwashed than Tom Cruise

Madonna and Guy Ritchie have been lobbying the government and nuclear industry over a scheme to clean up radioactive waste with a supposedly magic Kabbalah water. They apparently approached the govt department -- British Nuclear Fuels (BNFL) promoting a “mystical” liquid tested in a Ukrainian lake. When bosses looked into using the water in nuclear waste disposal operations, they could find no scientific proof for the couple's seemingly outlandish claims. Of course, at the end of the day, it's all about her...Madonna says:

"According to science, we aren't going to have a planet in about 50 years at the rate we're going with nuclear waste. I can write the greatest songs, make the most fabulous films and be a fashion icon and conquer the world but if there isn't a world to conquer, what's the point?"

One Kaballah devotee has described how the group often chants “Chernobyl” and the names of other nuclear power plants. Followers believe this helps “heal the problem of nuclear waste”.

Chanting and water...why didn't I think of that first?

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Tara Reid can always be counted on to perk up your working week

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K-Fed Debut!!!

Wow...this has to be seen to be believed...K-Fed premiered his beautiful single "Lose Control" at the Teen Choice awards. I guarantee you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll sing along...just make sure you hit the crack-pipe and snort a few lines before you press play.

This is a sure-fire investment HIT!!!

Obviously the brainy-half of the Hilton sisterhood...Nicky Hilton unveiled her incredibly thought out plans for her new chain of hotels NickyO...from what I can gather, the decor is going to be a pretty amazing collage of pink cardboard walls and really pretty arrows directing people to the middle of the building. If you get lost because of the fuzzy red lines around the room, your best bet is to follow the disco ball.

Honestly...even Cher from Clueless wouldn't show off this rubbish.

Gwhineth just.can't.help.herself

This woman continue to be the most annoying woman on the planet. Now she's 'praising' single mothers in Haper's Bazaar...by very clearly insinuating that she is neither poor, nor single. Condescending.

"I do not know how single mothers have more than one child with no help.It requires so much of my life, and I don't have to change sheets and clean toilets, you know...my hat - no, my clothes go off to the single mother with no help; I stand naked, kowtowing before her."

wtf? Why would she want to punish single mothers like that? And to top it all...she wants to go back into ruining movies again.

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J-Lo will have to move aside to let Biel through

What's going on?!?...I think I've missed something. Jessica Biel's whole body used to be able to fit in a sink...I don't think that's so do-able anymore. Bum implants anyone?

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Who gives it a better go?

Rachel Bilson or Poutly Shitely? You all know my verdict...

STAR Magazine employs real journalists

haha..STAR magazine goes a little nuts this week. Sure the pictures of Nicole at the beach were bad...but they weren't this bad. I don't even know where the sagging stomach comes into it. Perhaps they made a composite photo using some Tara Reid pics?

From Original Set

Vanessa M looks like others

I'll admit it...there's no news...so I'm just going think out loud. Lachey's new media whore looks like equal parts Alba and pre-Cruise Holmes. I wonder what it feels like to be a D-lister piggy-backing of a C-lister. Still...Lachey is looking like a bit of alright.

Beyonce just can't help herself

Very similar to the last mess she made. I think she needs to start doing videos where she's not so much the focus. This one is 1/3rd Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct, 1/3rd J-Lo, and 1/3rd I just took way too many puffs out of the crack pipe.

TBLE Exclusive! First pictures of Suri

...just beautiful...looks just like her dad.

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Prince Harry likes it Hard

Seen here with Natalie Pinkham. Will likes it hard too...but of a different kind...

Farrah fixes herself up some

Girlfriend was looking pretty horrendous for a long time...she seems to have had some more work done...and even though I didn't think it would be possible...it's actually improved her some. Sure she looks a little like Michael Douglas now, but I guess you've got to pick your battles.

Before


Now



Cosmetic surgeon Dr Lucy Glancey says: 'Farrah looks to have had her upper and lower eyelids done and very definitely a mid to lower face-lift...she may well have had her neck tightened as well as Botox injected into the crow's feet area. Farrah's latest surgery probably would have cost her around £20,000." ($37,000)

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Kate Hudon and Chris Robinson split

You could see this one coming from a mile away. Apparently he was a complete prick after her pregnancy because he thought she'd gained too much weight and told her he didn't want any more kids because of it...as well as cheating all over the shop. Sure they're just unsubstantiated rumours...but hey...that's never stopped me before :)

Suri is deformed

Basically, whenever a Scientologist says something, you can pretty much be assured that the opposite is true. Apparently Tom and Katie took "Suri" to a party held by Will and fellow-Scientologist Jada Pinkett Smith. One of the guests said:

"Suri is a beautiful baby with no deformities that I could see.

Translation:
Kid is ugly. Everyone can see that Suri is deformed. QED

Run run bony. Run run bony run.

Run sweetie, you don't want that pesky Bosworth to take some of your limelight.

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Stephen Baldwin is nuts

Umm...looks like Kelly Preston ain't the only one. The only movie I've ever seen Stephen in is Threesome. I guess that should have told me something. Someone has given this guy a book deal. Here are some of the really important things he's got to say that will change the world...and in the process make Tom Cruise look normal.

He's having sex with God:

"I like to ask friends of mine, happy couples who seem to have a pretty good marriage, I will ask them, 'How's your sex life?'"...they will say something like pretty good...Here's what I tell them: Imagine taking a healthy sex life and inviting the power of God into that exchange."

He's seen a steroid-taking Jesus:

"I'd always imagined Jesus was the sweet, cuddly, loving dude, and suddenly I find out he makes Conan the Barbarian look like Conan the wimp...He didn't come with a guitar singing Kum Ba Yah. Jesus brought a sword to the earth, and he is still swinging it."

And he's generally a nice guy:

"God has called me to go and make disciples of the youth of America. That is what I am going to do. And if you try to stop me, I am going to break your face."

Dunst does Vogue

Who's hotter? Dunst or that wallpaper? At least the hair looks more natural than Posh's.

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Vince Vaughn and Maniston in their heyday

I think Maniston loosk much better in the 80s style...looks kinda 21 Jump St cool...I'm still doubting that's Vaughn at all...

What sun and no calories does to you

Sure, you might look like Ritchie for a little while...but then this. Rachel Zoe, Ritchie's stylist shows us the hard way. Woman is still in her 30s.

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JLo keeps it real

I don't know about you gus, but personally, I think it's SO real when my breasts hit my chin. It's even real-er when I borrow dresses from Nicole Richie

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Suri...coming to a news stand near you!

I think they've finally managed to find a baby from somewhere! Either that or they're photoshopping something up. Apparently Annie Liebovitz has taken photos of the "baby" which will be out in Vanity Fair. By the looks of things, I think TomKat are ready to create a new fake child again.

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This town is not big enough for both of us!

Mischa Barton is in town launching some clothes thing. Girl.is.dumb. First she's there to promote Australian designers and doesn't even know the label of what she's wearing and then she starts talking about how she wants to see our "river"...hello, what the hell is she talking about? Sydney is coastal Mischa...that river would indeed be a harbour...Sydney Habour...you know...like ocean.

Posh Spice needs to stick with being a 'fashion icon'

Wow...I'd never really experienced the mess that is Victoria Beckham singing live. I mean...Britney, Jessica, Ashlee, Lindsay etc lip synch at every 'live' performance for a reason. What's with all that talking in the first song as well? Posh needs to find a new song writer...or just stick to being skinny and showing off her plastic hair.

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Britney doesn't need photoshop!

She's beautiful in any light...as long as it's pitch black. Here is a before and after shot.

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