I'm going back to this?!?!?

OMG...someone save me...I'm really not feeling going back to Australia. I want to stay in the Big Apple...the city we all like to pretend never sleeps :) On the plus side...I'm apparently just in time for some fabulous Backstreet Boys thing happening in Sydney. Could you just excuse me while I go vomit and try and organise some kind of explosive device to be present on my plane? I fly out tomorrow so there might not be posts for a few days. Hang in there my beauties...I'll be back.

I'm normally all for weird Euro style...

...but I have to say that this one; by Spanish Culture Minister Carmen Calvo...(as my beloved bro would say) kinda isn't igniting my tinder-box :)

Happy Chinese New Year!

The impeccable and irresistable Jordan; who is always dressed to perfection, wished you all a Happy Chinese New Year at the Royal Courts in London.

Spot the Difference

I think this picture is trying to say that Brad copies his girlfriends' style? I don't see how that explains why there are two Gwyneth's in the middle pic...and why Benicio Del Toro rocks up in the last pic...I reckon I'm missing something.

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I'm comatose as I write this

Jude and Sienna were coming boring enough...does the world really need more Affleckesque *snore* relationships like Hayden and Sienna?...Is Sienna his new beard? That must be it. I mean...if the guy isn't gay and consequently spending quality time with 'casting directors' then I'm at a total loss as to how he's continuing to score any parts at all.

Noel Gallagher loves children...

When I was young...I loved Oasis and eveything that went with it...including Noel Gallagher. Now, I'm not explicitly saying that the feelings have changed...but I'm making small a mental note to not have children with Noel if the opportunity ever arises.

Noel Gallagher, who has a 5 y/o daughter says children are:

"...f***ing idiots...they're small, noisy, smelly, small, devil brats!..they take too much time and they cry all the time (and)...seem to want to take over the house you live in"

he also rants on:

"You have to be quiet when the babies are asleep... f**k that! It's my house and I am the boss in my house."

Charming.

Pink may be married...but that doesn't make me any less confused...

She needs to stick with her wedding hair...I'm not going to say 'man in a skirt' or 'cock in a frock' or anything mean like that...but personally, I need more than a pink handbag to convince me of certain things.

A bit of Australiana: Sophie Monk

O.k...so this is only going to make sense to the few Australians that caught the first Popstars show...but I remember that Sophie Monk was a really cute girl. The next time I saw her on anything 'big' was the last Blink182 video...but seriously, the girl can't be much older than me...and her drugs & botox situation is completely out of control. I couldn't care less about her drug habits...but Sophie needs a botox intervention.

I'm telling you she was once normal.

I think Basic Instinct II is going to be one hell of a horror film

Poor Sharon...she's giving is a go for her Basic Instinct II promotional shots...but well...personally...I think she's better suited to Alien VII...and would be perfect as the new poster-girl for "What Scientology can purge out of you"... In any case...she's wishing you a frightening weekend...and leg-spreading love to go with it.

Weekend RoundUp

We've got the good...in the form of Charlize at the Aussie Open.

We've got the cleaned-up..in the form of Carmen Electra at Sundance.

And we've got the damn disgusting...in the form of our girl...Britney and the rest of her dirty gene-pool.

People continue to pretend they're remotely interested in the World Economic Forum

Right....

Kidman wants to have Brad Pitt's babies as well

Since when is Nicole interested in the UN? I swear, next thing you know Paris Hilton is going to be prancing about in Afghanistan in a be-dazzled burka looking for landmines... Everyone is trying to be Brangelina...but I don't think they've yet got the memo that Brad's sperm is tied up elsewhere. Still...at least N-ice-cole isn't pouring more money into Alientology.

We've found ourselves a new Joker for 2006 and beyond!

Just when we thought our old one was an acne washed up mess...our Version 2.0 Joker saviour has come in the form the younger, clearer-faced, creepy, "I can do more than giggle-act"...Anne Hathaway.

Desperate and Newsless Links

• Gwen Stefani Has an Insivisible Dog (The Superficial)
  

• Brad Does BeniCIO and Angelina does CIA. (JustJared)

• Top Gun goes all Brokeback Mountain (Dlisted)
  

Have You Changed Your Hair Lately?

What's going o?n...we stop seeing Tara Reid and Madonna for like 3 days and they manage to get some weird work done on themselves...who knows what on earth is going on with Tara...but points for anyone who can make a word association with "painful-looking eyebrow lift".

Fake Pitt-Jolie Baby Picture Sold

Online casino GoldenPalace.com has paid over $4,000 for the ultrasound image of the Jolie-Pitt spawn...all camps insisted that the damn this was fake...but I doubt anyone cares about a small detail such as that. The big, interesting news is that apparently (according to someone who 'overheard' Angelina) they will never marry...you now what Angie says is always true as well...I mean she promised us earlier that she would never have a relationship with married man...and for your information you SICK anti-Angie people...holding hands doesn't necessarily mean two people are having a sexual relationship...o.k?!?!?

*UPDATE* Cleo....please Stop the Goddamn Shop!!!

Last time we saw an Australian magazine cover it traumatised us...I'm not sure if this is an Australian thing...but this white, assymetrical, errily smooth "person" on the cover...is quite frankly, freaking me out to no end.

thanks a million to JustinR for the Eva picture!!!

*Update*
The Gorgeous Jeremiah found an original un/less photoshopped version of the cover...with much better, less 'I'm auditioning for The Excorcist' results. The horizontal flip was definitely a bad idea.

Joan Collins is still giving it a go

O.k...so it's all war paint, botox and some serious hardcore surgery...but the woman is giving it red-hot go...and although her hands aren't keeping up their end of the bargain...this 70-something is not freaking me out half as the "young" Tinseltown gang***.
***see below

Dumb and Demented: A Retrospective

Let's see...
You've got the I-Wish-I-Wasn't-Retarded-So-I-Could-Be-Dorothy-From-The Wizard-of-Oz

...and then the "Oh dear...alcohol, cocaine, and botox actually don't make such a nice cocktail"

...with a bit of a I-need-any-publicity-so-badly-I'll-do-anything-with-this-goddamn-dog.

With a finishing touch of "Maybe if I smile and take along someone with a flea-ridden coat...I'll still manage to be Daddy's favourite tonight".

Another day...another standard in beauty.

(last pic credit)

Happy 32nd birthday Kate!

The girl partied for 13 hours; some of which was with Naomi Campbell,...and our Kate still managed to walk out alive...big snaps from me darl :)

Demented is the new Hot.

I have been looking for and idol, an inspiration, a muse all my life....Jessica Simpson has managed to fill that hole in my heart.

Umm...no thanks, I don't think I'm worth it.

I don't know what Beyonce is trying to sell us here...but uhh...I'm not yet sufficiently brainwashed to be enticed...at least not yet.

In a similar vien...P. Diddy man...this photoshoot for your new fragrance has about as much sexual chemistry as Katie Holmes' first visit to the insemination centre...generally not a good sign.

Jessica Simpson traumatises me...

"I have amazing boobs. They're just perfect." ---Jessica Simpson

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"'Til we kill each other" Round II

O.k...so Eminem got married a couple of days ago...and the pictures are starting to come in...and I'll be honest...I'm scared. Eminem looks like a 16 year old pimp...and our usually blonde dark-lip-liner-lovin' Kim has suddenly, overnight become a Zeta-Jones/Melania Trump clone. OK! magazine deal anyone? Weddings are only fun if you let your inner-trash roar.

The "What is Bigger" Challenge...

Poor Nicole's neck VS her thigh?

Valentino has lost his mind...

O.k...I seriously love Jessica Stam...but she is being ill-used. WTF is this about? Something tells me big, creepy, weepy eyes aren't really going to catch on as the new black...
note: if you want this look you must constantly carry around a photoshop-guy with you as an accessory.

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