Got Herpes?

Paris the Altruist...her latest New Years Pub(l)ic Service Message.

Jordan for an Emmy!!!

Jordan has decided that she doesn't want to deprive us of herself from the the silver screen anymore. She's taking an Angelina Jolie-lite angle and declaring herself to be a good baddie for the Dr Who TV series.

"Dr Who would be an ideal starting ground for me, acting-wise. I could be a baddie who doesn't speak but kills with my ample charms."

...and who has the heart to argue with complex arguments like that...

Jordan leads us beautifully into the New Year

With a Calendar like this to greet you through all 2006, you'd hope...(or at least wish it was possible) that every month would be as beautiful, elegant, and serene as the Great Jordan herself.

Ashlee Simpson wishes someone would videtape HER doing coke

Poor Ashlee...she's really clutching at straws for publicity...she can't do the whole breakup thing because her sister has already taken up that space, she can't have shocking breast surgery, because Tara's filled that niche as well...a big coke problem has already been done...so what's a talentless publicity whore to do? Well...I can tell you what won't work in this competitive field...and that's the whole "I once had anorexia for 6 months" story...my goodness...at least make it a few years...add in dash of heroin and a bit of 'yoga saved my life'...As it stands Ashlee...I gotta tell you...it's not even going to get you a write up in the Daily Mirror...

thanks to CatherineH for the heads up on this disaster...I've been slow on the uptake on this one.

Hardcore Man's Man

With all this metrosexual, omnisexual stuff being so en vogue these days...it's hard to find real, gritty, heterosexual men anywhere...they seem to be a dying breed...What is needed of course, are more strong, hardcore, heterosexual strongholds...like Tom Cruise, Al Reynolds, David Beckham, Phil Collins, Jon Bon Jovi, and of course Ricky Martin. These are the type of guys, who are not scared of Speedos, a little hombre con hombre action, and a token girlfriend...these guys...they ain't scared of anything...except for a little rainbow association...and of coure...Angelina Jolie's genetalia.

Merry Christmas Kids!

Tara Reid and her Dec 2005 Razor Magazine(even photoshop can't save you now) Photoshoot and myself are hoping that you all had a fabuloso Christmas...or whatever :)

love,
elisa.

Ummm...don't mention your Uncle???

I've got a bit of a funny uncle...he hates CD players...refuses any type of wrapped-up present...and wears really high waisted pants...but do I go round telling people...so the I can then get a chip on my shoulder...so I can then whinge Gwenyth-style about it? No...
Pop-star Wafah Dufour...whose only real claim to fame is being Osama Bin Laden's cousin...and a Gotti wannabe...is chucking a big Jennifer Aniston and whinging about not being accepted in Americe because she's Osama's cousin...all while telling us about 30 times that she indeed is Osama's cousin.

GQ seems to love girly men (Jennifer Aniston as 'Woman' of the Year) and touting their womanly claims...

"The face is alluring (big dark eyes, long lashes, plump lips,
caramel skin), but she looks wounded. And there’s something else. At first I can’t quite figure it out, but then it hits me: She looks a little like her uncle, albeit a waify ninety-eight-pound tiny-footed version. Sexy Osama! "

Ummm....

Tara Reid is Mrs Claus

What a sad festive season (and indeed world in general) it would be without Tara Reid and her 80 y/o breasts to continually perk us up...

(credit)

Shakira does Saudia Arabia

Well..I bought you Shakira's album cover...and then I bought you Mariah's Saudia Arabia album covers....and now it's time to mix the two and bring you Shakira's Saudia Arabia album cover... the damn thing still doesn't make any sense to me.

David Beckham is an idiot

David Beckham bought his wife a chocolate fountain for Christmas...what is he doing? He's going to make his wife think it's o.k. to be a lard ass...I mean...let's be honest..Victoria's more than half-way there already...and you know the only way to hold on to a philandering husband is to lose more and more weight. David's money would have been more well spent had it been directed into a Weight Watchers/Colonic Irrigation/Bulimia for Dummies programme.

Merry Christmas from Gwen, Gav, Stav, Paris, Keith, and Nic.

Not that many couples made it til Christmas. Let's see...we've got the good and knocked up...

The newly shorn...

And the utterly unconvincing and boring...

I'm offically sick of Jonathan Rhys Meyers

This guys is everywhere lately...and to be honest with you, he's creeping me out to no end. He's going to be around even more since he appears in everything from MI3 to this new Woody Allen film Match Point with Scar-J. His fat upper lip and those 'I'm an overt serial killer' eyes are doing him no favours in my books. Does anyone see him as anything other than a poor, pshychotic man's Joaquin Phoenix? Someone needs to explain his appeal to me.

Brooke Hogan is my new use

Brooke Hogan (Hulk's daughter) is my new favourite 'trashebrity'...she's even better than Kimbo Stewart...and hands up who believes she's really only 17? My guess is that '17' is the number of STDs running around in her blood...and her age is definitely closer to the big 4-0.

Although...I must say...Mariah always manages to keep a special place in my heart with her constant efforts to endear herself to me.

(credit)

Kate Moss is still the One.

Kate Moss is back with a Virgin Mobile Ad...the ad shows her making tea, making fun of herself, and looking beautiful...plus...she'll speak! It'll premiere on "Holiday" Eve.

***See the ad here.***

(credit)

adlink from dlisted.

It's Official...Gwen's knocked up.

Well, everyone was wondering a couple of days ago...but it's official...Gwen's 3 months pregnant with Gavin Rossdale's child. You know me guys...I just can't snark Gwen...

(credit)

Jordan Wishes You All a Very Merry Christmas

I'm not exactly sure why the photographer thought a vomited-on turkey and a bad wig symbolised Christmas cheer...but hey? Any picture involving Jordan is always a gem...so I'm taking the tone of being thankful for whatever I get.

The beautiful duo are recording a duet of "A Whole New World" which will be released next year...it's so wonderful how these two are the gifts that just keep on giving.

(credit)

Li-Lo is the new face of Chanel???

What's going on with Karl Lagerfreak? He's really scraping the bottom of the barrel...first there was crazy-forehead Selma Blair...and now Li-Lo? I'm guessing this is the reason Kate appeared so painstricken after lunch with her undeserving successor...next it'll be BritBrit's 40y/o 'kid' sister...mark my words.

(credit)

Everyone's Joining Team Sienna

O.K...so maybe Sienna and Katie declared orange to be in this festive season...but who added the dastardly mix of freakishly large orversized breasts into this merry equation? This brings me to the edgy question...Is Santa's gut now obsolete?

(credit1, 2)

Saudia Arabia may not employ the best photoshop artists...but at least they've got the right idea.

Saudia Arabia doesn't just take Mariah Carey's repulsive in-your-face breasts lying down...they take pro-active action against them...by covering them up. I'm guessing Paris Hilton just gets photoshopped out of her pictures entirely...and hey! What would be the loss? Now...we just have to work on them blurring out Mariah's face entirely...and then I'd maybe consider moving...

(credit)
thanks antonioH for the link!

Don't Fall for the Nick Lachey Smear Campaign!

Two of the most reputable media outlets (People and Star Magazines), (renowned for enforcing random samples for all their surverys)...have reported that 71% and 76% of people respectively believe that Jessica was to blame for the split...

This has sent the Simpson camp into Nick bashing fury...as they try to make up stories about the guy...the main problem is that even the Simpson-camp's combined brainpower isn't up to the task for this operation. As far as I can tell, they have only managed the shocking "Nick has hired a lawyer", and "Nick has been seen with someone else" stories...I don't know...I don't think that's quite gunna cut it. I would have thrown in a "Three-some with Kate Moss and Jude Law" story, or a "Joe Simpson leaves Jessica for Nick" story by now.

Photoshop 101

I've always thought that Cosmo-style photoshop pretty shockers and obvious...Digital cartoon people anyone? The girl in question is amost as fuglee as Ashlee Simpson in both pics...but for anyone wanting a self-esteem boost...check this out:

thanks to the sexy JustinR for the tip!

Wonder what Fuglee Simpson looked like before...

(credit)

Happy 27th Birthday Katie-Phone-Holmes

Gettit?...Yes...there is a serious shortage of news...apparently he took her out to not one, not two, but three lame-ass scientology brainwashing meetings parties...

(credit)

Sharon ain't feelin' the DDs

Well...we all could have told her before she splashed half a million on her dodgy surgery...but in any case...she's now 'got' it all by herself. Poor sharon is now struggling keeping upright with her new DD implants...she's realised now that they might be a bit too much for a middle-aged, short, woman to keep up with. She says:

"I don't like them now, they're too big! I'm having them changed. Ozzy likes them, but they're too big. Honestly, they weigh a lot."

Poor...poor Sharon.

Let's Get Merry!

Happy Holidays! from the Jolie-Pitt fam-bam...hehe.

(credit)

Usher has gone over to the Dark Side

Usher attended some creepy Scientology firefighting convention in NYC over the weekend. I guess this means he's definitely a closet homosexual . What a loss for all the girls. This man and his 'music' really repulse me so much, that I'm acutally kinda happy that he's going throw his money into this cult...he's definitely got a lot of aliens to purge out himself yet...

(credit)

Naomi Campbell might whack us senseless...but she's on our side on the essentials.

Naomi doesn't get Sienna Miller's appeal. She says:

"A lot of people compare the actress Sienna Miller to her...but I can't stand to hear that. I don't know Sienna Miller but there is no comparison to Kate. I don't like imitations, I like the real thing."

Now...I dislike Naomi much more than I dislike Sienna...and I kinda wish she would physically beat up someone like KKnightly...but the woman's right...and let's be honest...I'm kinda scared for my safety here.

(click to enlarge)

Random Monday Baby

Let's see....Alanis is joining the ranks of Avril Lavigne and giving blonde a go...bit by bit. You know in 6 months time it's going to be identical to Pamela Anderson's hue...What is it about a pot of peroxide that makes all that angst go away?

While the rumours are starting that Gwen Stefani is preggers...just.like.everyone.else...

and Paris Hilton Nicole Richie...desperate to get some publicity out of her breakup from DJ AM...goes to The Ivy, of all restaurants...and then proceeds to pretend to be upset about all the paparazzi commotion.

(credit)

Jessica really is as retarded as she looks

Jessica's having a few problems now that her dream marriage has fallen apart...I think at the time she married Nick, she actually thought that he was marrying her because he loved her, not because he was desperate to get into her pants. In any case...Joe Simpson was obviously brain-dead at the time as well...because the couple never signed a pre-nuptual agreement...probably because the greedy bastards believed Nick would be more successful. So it looks like she may have to give Nick half of what she's earned during the marriage. Excuse me while I go change into an all-black outfit...this news is just too sad.

Louise Adams and sexy Antonio wish you a HOT and SWEATY weekend.

Umm..what's scarier and more try-hard-y than Posh Spice? Who knew anything could compete on such a level...but I think I've found her...it's her sister...who's trying very, very hard to reach Posh's level of elegance and beauty.

On a similar note, Antonio, the "handsomest man alive" wishes you a lusty weekend that is worthy of such a manly hairy chest.

(credit)
thanks NiolK for the sexy Antonio link!

It's Official...

There is no saving Katie Holmes. When someone starts to look like she is taking fashion tips from Kimberley Stewart and colour advice from Sienna Miller ...you know you've hit then end...the very, very dark end.

(credit)

Wicked Stepmother Incarnate

Now that Glenn Close doesn't seem to be acting anymore...I think Posh may have found her perfect acting niche...either the evil stepmother character...or if that's too hard...then at least she'd be great as a random skeleton prop.

Although...I must say, Posh's niche position is by no means assured...Hillary is definitely stiff competitionsfor all those potential old, creepy roles.

(credit)
(2nd pic credit)