Friday, September 09, 2005

It's my wedding and I'll cry if I want to!

Dear ol' Jordan ...it ain't easy being famous for being a doubleF cup. Poor thing can't summon anyone to turn up to her wedding. This of course is threatening the over-a-million-dollar deal with OK! magazine for the wedding rights...a deal which was made assuming that there would be something to photograph other than...well...Jordan's breasts.



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Charlotte Church was supposed to sing at the wedding but she's backed out at the last minute...personally when Charlotte Church (see below)decides to diss you...you know that your status has gone from worse...to much worse. I think Jordan should re-send amended invitations with "Unlimited Free Alcohol etc. All Night" as the header...that would assure everyone from Lindsay Lohan, to Courtney Love, to Zsa Zsa Gabor turning up...plus 80% of all struggling LA C-list actresses (insert Tara Reid here) Hell...even I would reconsider my initial rejection of the invite...

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14 comments:

whatwouldjanicedickinsondo said...

alright elisa, this is what i need you to do:
acquire a private jet (murdoch's an aussie, he'll help a sista out) fly it to toronto, pick me up, we'll get dressed in our best finery, pick up his and hers dildos for gifts and crash that wedding.
deal?

Elisa said...

Are you crazy? That's a done deal baby...I'll be over there and pick you up quicker than Tara Reid with a tequila shot! We'll totally upstage Jordan...but sometimes the duty of fabulousness just calls. :)
love,
elisa

Franci said...

Can I join that private jet, too?

Uhh: NO!*scream*

I was playing with the idea, I mean with the amount in Euros that would get me appear and perform a small singing and/or dancing at her wedding.
I was unable to name that a high amount.

And what about you?

El Tete said...

Ha! You are sooooooo cruel... I mean: cool. Yeah, cool is what I meant :-)

Michael K said...

I need to be at that wedding asap! I need to stop this wedding and rescue Harvey!

Captain Stup1d said...

actually, if they just openned up the wedding to anyone, it would probably be a laugh

Simon

Anonymous said...

Not to sound like an ignorant Yankee, but who is this Jordan?
-Beth
P.S. Loving your blog

Elisa said...

haha...jordan is basically the UK equivalent of anna Nicole Smith...minus the gazillionaire. Haha michaelK...the blogosphere 'elite' should all be invited...we're the only ones that really pay any attention her her anyway :)
love,
elisa

Elisabeth said...

hey remember when charslut church was this sweet, nice classical singer? Does she even sing anymore?

Anonymous said...

Hell, I'd go to the wedding. What the frick, hey.

Elisa said...

haha...yeah I remember...she still annoyed me though :) Apprently she's doing pop music now...although I've heard none of it...
love,
elisa

eV said...

Yep you're right Elisa. Charlotte Church is doing pop music now, unfortunately enough. I saw the MV to her first song 'Crazy Chick' on her website www.charlottechurch.com and the song's just about terrible and the clip *groans*

Anonymous said...

I braced myself for the inevitable nausea that comes with seeing a pic of Jordan, but was COMPLETELY unprepared for the frightening pic of Charlotte that only her gynecologist is paid enough to look at. I was expecting the sweet little 12 yr. old singing opera. WHAT THE HELL?

Elisa said...

OMG ev....that song absultely SUCKS...there's like...no tune to it...wtf???
the clip is indeed *groan*
hahaha wow..she's bad.
love,
elisa