The Life and Times of Nick Lachey

Well, we all know it's temporary...but Nick seems to be moving up in the world. He's found a better girl, and no longer has to pretend to enjoy his blonde-nightmare's company. He's even managed to snag his own TV pilot...he's going to be playing baseball player or something equally challenging... Yeah...so we know the show; if it manages to get past the pilot, will have a bit of a Models Inc death...but let's face it...with the fabulous experience of having appeared on Charmed...he has more of a chance of succeeding here than in his singing.

Jessica in the meantime...just awaits Daddy's orders....

(yes...change in pics...potential legal problems :) )
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Now this looks more like Xtina's Weddding...

Well,
I guess OK! saved the true story till their PartII of the wedding...The frilly dress came off ASAP it appears...and the singing!...just makes you wish you were there...

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Old-Timers Random Update

Well, this always-trying Julia Roberts wannabe may have significantly lowered the enjoyment of both Groundhog Day and Four Weddings and a Funeral...but she produced a very nice-looking (albeit Paris Hilton-esque in dress) daughter...

While Linda Hamilton, the tough nut from the Terminator appears to have shed her tough-waoman image in favour for more of a Kirstie Alley look...a wonderful life's achievement I'm sure you'll all agree.

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Tara what have you done?

Tara Reid may be our favourite cracked out Barbie doll...but to my general disappointment, she looks like she's got her act together today...she doesn't quite have the same charm when she's not confused, falling over, and her breasts aren't touching her toes...

Someone pass her whiskey bottle immediatley! Or at least introduce her to Pete Doherty...

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A Bit of a Before and After Retrospective

I can't believe anyone thinks the majority of these people are beauty icons...they all loook pretty bad both before and after...except Sting and George Michael...who were just the epitome of sexy :)

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Ben Affleck and Family

Ben Affleck takes home wis wife and newborn from the hospital...o.k..cheesy cheap shot...but then again...it's TBLE. Seriously though, when is his wife going to pop?...she must close to 10months now...this kid just doesn't want to deal with his/her father I'm guessing.

Fear Not!!!..Kosbourne's not quitting the music business

Apparently there was a rumour going around that Kelly Osbourne was quitting the music industry...
I'm guessing this spread in a similar way the rumour that I was quitting the modelling business spread.

How can you quit a business you're not even in? What has she ever 'sung' since her rather paltry Madonna cover? This is a bit of a Dennnis Quaid moment I feel.

But I know you were all worried your Ipod's would be left bare with the removal of such a musical virtuoso...and I can only console you all with the fact that she is alive and has just recorded...of all things Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"...an achievement indeed.

A Picture is Always Better

from the hot MichaelK at dlisted.

Joe Simpson wants to be Kevin Federline

I don't know if this is old...but I think he's definitely making K-Fed his hero...probably just so he can get into Jessica's pants now that she's in need of another C-list 'entertainer'...either that...or he's trying to actually become Jessica...by having his own very set of beautiful breasts...that he can look at whenever he wants.

Well...Kimbo the Bimbo's engagement to Talan lasted about...1 week...before it all fell apart rather pathetically. I guess the drug induced stupor that had previously blinded him and made him deaf ebbed away at some point this week...and he realised he wasn't really all that keen on pretending to marry a 90 year old woman with a disturbingly putty-esque bean pole body structure...I mean...even Rod is more appetising as wife-matertial...

That being said...the tried and true wildcard for a struggling publicity whore remains the same (no actual male required)...and here we see Li-Lo using it today... now that the card is once again free.

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Saint Angelina Continues Her Work

Well, she's definitely keeping her 'vying for sainthood' image up. She managed to fit in a Thanksgiving Pakistan visit inbetween Mr&Mrs Smith commitments...she's also teaching Maddox to walk. I have a distinct feeling that if she wasn't so beautiful...I would absolutely think she's a phony...and dislike her a lot. I'm such a deep person...not swayed at all by the superficial :)


Oh...and the 'hip' nanny tagged along too....

Elisa Wishes You a Gwyneth-Free Weekend

If I liked her I'd go along with the general rumour that she's pregnant...but I don't...and I've been seeing her everywhere on those damn new freaky Estee Lauder ads...so let's just say she's getting large because she's depressed and lonely...either way, here's hoping she's out of the spotlight for a while.

Mariah Carey wants us to admire her thighs

Who told this woman that she could pose for a cheerleader? Who is buying this woman's music? Who told her that she could pull off a Gwen Stefani-esque wardrobe? I'm asking the hard questions kids...the questions noone else dares to ask...questions that can change the world.

Chris Klein doesn't dig fat chicks

Please...this guy digs chicks as much as Tom Cruise does. He's come up with truly insightul stuff in his latest Elle interview:

"When a woman isn't feeling good about herself and you combine that with her
period, eventually she'll ask you if you like her body. You have to say no... I
don't placate."

Quite simply Chris...heterosexual men placate...their penis' depend on it...This guys' 15 minute comeback must be over soon...I'm just waiting for him to 'creatively dabble' in the gay porn industry...artistic purposes of course.

Katie let out of the house

Well, in a strange turn of events, we see Katie here...apparently unchaperoned. Could it be that she managed to sneak out of the Scientology Compound house? In any case, Tom is trying hard to stop any further escapes...looks like she won't even be going to the doctor much. Tom has bought an ultrasound machine for his home so that he can look at the alien's growth progress. He also doesn't want to marry her until he pops....such a charming guy.

What I don't understand...is that the whole deal with Scientology is that once you reach OTVII you pretty much turn into a superhuman...and can bend the laws of physics etc...so surely acquiring ultrasound-vision wouldn't be that much of a stretch...I mean...these are people who after all can supposedly physically fly to other galaxies...

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RIP Jess and Nick

I have to say, I never saw this coming. Such a nice, relaxed couple they always made. What a shame. Such a surprise...and most of all...such an ominous and disastrous start to Thanksgiving.

thanks Janae, and Elisabeth for the tragic news.

Britney Britney Britney!

Well...I may get lawyers hounding me...but don't tell me it's not worth it. I know TBLE readers are Britney fanatics. I for one have a soft spot for K-fed...his hair just turns me on to no end...and what's with the smart. at the bottom? Subliminal messages anyone? Well...maybe People readers may find that kind o' thing subliminal...it does I suppose involve decoding letters.

Teri needs to create a new contract clause for herself

Yes...in case you were wondering...we are still in no.news.land...
Teri seriously needs to create a no-close-up-unless-an-army-of-photoshop-assistants-are-within-50m clause in her contract...either that...or she needs to just dedicate herself to the C-grade horror films...any director would love her...talk about budget-saving on masks.

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I really need to calm down on these dodgy punchlines. :)

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More Congratulations to Mimi

Wow, we are in such a good mood today...congrats Mimi...perhaps you wish to emancipate yourself by letting us 'borrow' your award while we 'pretend' that you are a vampire of sorts and try a Buffy-esque slay technique...if that failed, we could always ask you to blindly sit down on our special "awards chair"...which may involve you experiencing a slight discomfort upon sitting down.

Congrats Xtina Bratman

Well...you can tell she tried oh-s0-hard...but she still doesn't manage to even touch the magnificence that was Jordan and Andre's wedding...but it's the thought that counts I suppose. Although...perhaps there is a rather genuine fight between who is more stomach-churning...Peter Andre or Jordan Bratman?

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...and in breaking news......

Nicky Hilton is pregnant...with another of Tom Cruises' baster-busting exponentially growing aliens...or...perhaps not.

Slow.news.day. When do you think Paris will discover her first (of many) brain tumours? I'm wagering...2 years.

thanks to jessica m for the pic!!!

Our favourite twins

Both their careers are going down the tube...these twins should hookup together and try their hand at the adult-film industry...I think it's an apprpriate stop before their inevitable appearance on Celebrity Big Brother 2007...

and to think they both made such wonderful life-matches....

'Queen Jolie' Lives

Yes, Queen Jolie, is alive, househunting, and...looking tippity-top as always :)

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No sex in the house for Robbie

What kind of a guy doesn't want to have sex in his house for fear of contamination? Robbie Williams it seems. Someone should remind Robbie that not all sex has to involve parasite-ridden people like Paris or Kimberley. Apparently the key is to get him out of LA...where he then proceeds to offer himself "far and wide to all the known universe."

Jessica Simpson is human

Well...we all know she's trying to be a latterday Angelina Jolie with is...and who knows if she really cares about these kids. What's a a nice revelation however...is that she actually looks like a human again...I thought it wasn't possible...she's also lost the she-male-ness...which is always pleasant to see.

Can someone stop me saying; what could possibly be construed as, nice things about Jessica Simpson? Damn celebrities in Africa...gets you every time.

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*update* Thank goodness people like Kate are around to jolt me back into my senses!!! This girl called Alex went to Kenya (part of a highschool thing) with Jessica Simpson...and basically had this to say:

"She refused to really touch or play with any of the children except for the ONE surgery she watched. After, the surgeon said that she was a nuisance and made it very distracting to work. For the most part she stayed in a HOTEL, not in a tent like she says in the newspapers."

for the full story go here.

thanks for the link kate!!!

"Destructive Relationship" what a novel concept!

I'm sick of this now. First the wardrobe, then the hair...now the relationship? Her relationship with Jude Law is now being branded as one that is a "destructive" one...for him incidentally...Wow..we've never heard that terminology before. All she needs to do now is find some guy with a portable camera to tape her snorting coke...caster sugar...anything...anything to make.me.famous.

Kate's Still Alive...take that Sienna!

Yes...the coolest girl in the world is still alive...and not looking too shabby I must say...although I don't want to know how her body is coping...in any case...Sienna Miller can now go back to her old "I wish" post...

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Fraternal and Sisterly Ties

You've got the good,

(let's ignore the Mystic Tan disaster)

The bad,

and as always...the ugly...but in this case...I'd have to say the famous one is the most difficult to stomach...big noses to me are no crime...but ugly trying to be pretty, ugly who has spent thousands of dollars in surgery, ugly who looks just a few procedures away from looking like ET's sister, that...is unforgiveable.

Winner Weekends

Lindsay's freaky boob, Jennifer Maniston, and Posh's rather severe and unfortunately identical sister wish you all extremely shaggable weekends.

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Sex with Jennifer Aniston sux...

These photos are so emotional, I can barely hold back to tears of joy over this love-fest...and yet...all is not what it seems. When a GQ journalist asked Vince:

"It would be great if you just tell me what sex was like with Jennifer Aniston."

he blabbered on:

"Well, yeah, exactly. But see, in my position, you're just like, whatever.
There's nothing more that can come out of talking about that stuff."

This doesn't sound like a man who is in raptures and willing to drop everything and take on an adoptive family...but then again...Vince is no Brad, and Jennifer...well...there are doubts on a more anatomical level there...if you know what I mean.

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