Pamela finds a correlation between cappuccino and erect nipples

Well...she's a thinker, you've got to give her that. Apparently the ol' Pam loves cappuccinos because they make her nipples perky. Sure Pam...who knew caffeine and silicone made such a great mix? She's alsowarning people not to fall into the 'conspiracy' of anti-ageing products...

Maybe she's a new 'natual transvestites' spokesperson?

Britney goes beserk at 13 year old kiddie

Apparently Jamie Lynn Spears and her 13yo co-star were having a bit of a tiff...as soon as Britney caught wind of this...she went into Superwoman mode (yeah...no chance in hell of fitting into the costume) branding the an "evil little girl" and that she had better be careful or she'll "never work in this town again!"

I personally find yelling meaningless threats at anyone who is powerless and underage a really therapeutic thing to do...especially just after one's just been impregnated by a homeless bum...I'm sure it's part of the beautiful Kabbalah teachings?

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Brad and Zahara!

Seen while visiting Angelina on the set of "The Good Shepherd" in New York. What else are friends for? Not sure exactly what's going on with the bandana that also mysteriously looks like a beanie...

courtesy of www.splashnews.com

The VMA's Run Down

Yes...it's a little late in coming...you can blame Kimberly Stewart for it. :)
So...the MTV Video Music Awards came and went...did you miss it? Not to worry.It basically just involved:

I-have-no-talent-but-that doesn't-matter-because-my-co-stars-all-look-like-Play-doh...and-I'm-comparatively-hot...


I'm-here-for-all-the-recovering-manorexics-and-no-matter-how-screwed-up-I-get-I-will-still-always-seem-normal-next-to-my-(lucky escape)-ex-girlfriend



The prerequisite interchangeable mass of orange and blonde...



And of course the group of (from the left) "I-thought-the-crack-was-complimentary?!?"; "Hillary Duff ain't got nuthin' on me"; and "You-know-you've-hit-a-low-period-when-you-start-channelling-Mandy-Moore...but-I-still-manage-to-look-better-most-people-here"

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Gwen and Gavin

*sigh*...it must be nice being the coolest couple in the world...damn Gwen and her snark disabling abilities. I am SO not seeing the fake tan... :)

control yourself Sleazyred :)

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Kimberly Stewart is HOT

Ummm...I love how Kimbo the Bimbo is single-handedly trying to oust Britney out of the I-pick-up-bad-trends-when-they're-really-over-give-them-a-cheap-take-and-still-think-I'm-like-*so*-cool trophy.

"Team Sienna"...o.k...well if Kimbo's wearing that...then who's selling "Team Daisy, AKA Sack of Potatoes"...because this is WAR.

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Kimbo killed my modem

Hey guys,
My modem became possessed yesterday night (wouldn't turn off and wouldn't work)...which is why you got a bit of a paltry update....probably not co-incidental was the fact that I was working on a Kimberly Sterwart post at the time...Kimbo killed my modem!!! :) All seems to be back on track now...
love,
elisa

Fergie amends her prior situation

Considering past events, and her non-existent potential at 16 minutes +...perhaps Fergie really is being pragmatic and considering life after the Black Eyes Peas. Guthy-Renker here we come!

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Andre and Jordan style things up.

You can always rely on the UK for a bit of class. Seen here at the London after-party for the Dukes of Hazzard, our favourite to-be-weds Jordan and Peter Andre; upstaging Jessica at her own pathetic game, bid you a very, very exciting weekend.

pics courtesy of www.splashnews.com

Marc Antony is one sexy HOMBRE

I know that for the majority of women, any sexual frustruation can always be resolved by a quick dip into the sternum-and-rib cocktail that is Marc Antony. With an hombre like Anbony, you get a full package of sorts. You don't just get starvation, you also get the flying earpiece, you get a strange "Christie?" tatoo above the left nipple, you get the the 20-days-and counting-unwashed hair slicked back with a bit of J-Lo's mousse. The man undeniably is PURE sex?

Who cares if you have to help link him up to an IV drip at nighttime?

Tom Cruise is a Cross-Dresser??? No WAY!

Everyone knows that Tom Cruise has an unblemished heterosexual record. These pictures must just be the crazy doings of aliens I know...Tom told me so...he says that he's studied the history of photography (I haven't) and that in photos there is no such thing as a gender imbalance. In fact, I should go to my local Scientology Centre right now and 'clear' this up...because this glibness doesn't make sense. I'm seeing a male operating thetan hiking his skirt up toward me...I need a Prozac in order to internalise all this...but I'm scared because Tom said the next time he saw me take one of those, he was going to kick me with his new red patent leather stilettos.

see more at dlisted.

Dolce and Gabbana's New 'Pubic Pants'

Well men...I think it's time you get acquainted with the J-Sisters if you want to hop on this trend bandwagon :) Dolce and Gabbana's ads which will debut in Sept. Esquire magazine are being called 'bordering on tasteless' by some...but hey...as long as they're used by the right demographic (shirtless, young, strapping, fit lads)...I'm not going to complain...

Speaking of ads...hot news is that Mary Kate Olsen is going to become the new spokesperson for Calvin Klein...you know...such an obvious choice...cos that girl is easily the most magnetic, 'people-person' fashion icon I've ever seen since like...Marilyn Monroe.

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I'm having a bit of a Nicole moment

Nicole Richie has written a book! "The Truth About Diamonds" I've heard some big rumous involving Pultizer and Booker...you heard it here first :) Maybe it's because uni work has been tough and hasn't really allowed me to sleep much, maybe I'm just a sucker for ex-heroin addicts, or maybe I've been trans-continentally brainwashed by Rachel Zoe. But at the end of the day, you know what? Although I think the girl is a mass of bones...she seems to have this je ne sais quoi that none of the other assembly-line girls seem to have ATM. It pains me to say it, but the girl's gorgeous...let's just hope she quietly drops those singing aspirations.

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Jackie Stallone wants Angelina

Not looking 82 when you are 82 isn't always such a good thing. Wanting your life-story made into a movie when you're only famous because of your dead-beat son is about as good an idea as Jackie's last facelift.

Wanting Angelina Jolie to play you in that movie because essentially, you believe that you're "prettier than her"...makes me think that perhaps an institution for senile dementia; as opposed to her botox-man, may indeed be the next appropriate stop for Ms Stallone.

Sienna's Cut Up

Aren't I creative with my headlines? I know...you don't have to tell me...it's brilliant. Anyway...everyone not including dodgy blog owners is worried about her...as she appeared (at the Dukes of Hazzard after-party) to be taking the anti-Aniston jilted route...and resorting to cutting herself.



Her publicist claims it's an injury from the beach, but that doesn't really work with my headline-creating brilliance...so we'll just ignore the explanation while I post another distraught picture...o.k?

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Britney Sucks.

Ahh...the exciting ups and downs in the life of Britney Spears. First she's accused of being a bigamist...allegedly technically being married to some random British TV presenter...only for her husband to retaliate by finally finding a job....I knew he had a chance when I heard Kentucky Fried Chicken was hiring.

He's obviously found this dance instructor gig because Britney's broke...I'm giving these two a prognosis of 3 months left to live.

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thanks sleazyred.

Paris Hilton strikes again *WINNER*

Your guess is definitely as good as mine....



*UPDATE - haha...this wan't a competition...but I'm creating a winner here anyway.

I do know you could not power a children's tricycle with the combined intellectual power represented in the picture. -- Yail Bloor

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No Hollywood for Posh Spice

Victoria Beckham says NO to Hollywood. Producers of "I Could Never Be Your Woman" costarring Michelle Pfeiffer were depserate to have her on board and offered her any part she wanted...even offering to write her into the script.

After serious thought and deliberation however..."she came to the conclusion that, nice as it was to be asked, putting herself up against Hollywood heavyweights wasn't something she was interested in."

Ahem.

Looks like someone didn't even make it to a preliminary audition...I guess it was a shock to poor old Posh when she realised that the film involved reading lines...That's SO nothing to worry about hun...I heard Jenna Jameson wants a co-star...and apparently the lines are minimal and are all ad-libbed. I don't know how it works or what kind of role it is...but maybe you could look into it?

Hi Paul. :)

Jennifer Garner has lowered her standards

I have a slight feeling that I would be a tad worried if the man that impregnated me started taking wardrobe tips from Kevin Federline...and no Ben...giving it the unique touch of the "open-pant leg" doesn't redeem you any. Perhaps Jennifer has realised this slight tactical error, as she is claiming that she is expecting no fairy tale in relation to her marriage to Ben...

That's funny, I always thought faux-pimp daddies wearing oversize beige clothes were what dreams were made of...

Brad and Ange...again.

Well...a family isn't really a family until you have your first museum 'family outing'. O.k...waay too many f-words in one sentence. Jolie and her kids went up to see Brad in Calgary, who is getting ready to shoot "The Assasination of Jesse James". Of interest to Maddox were the dinosaur bones...obviously the abundance of bones in Hollywood hasn't made the little guy nonchalant to the occasional T-Rex exhibit...

...don't ask me what a fat version of George Bush is doing on the scene...

Jennifer is obviously doing what any jilted girl would do in her circumstances...star in a drug company advertisement :)

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Jessica Simpson still frightens me

Jessica Simpson has the power to change my personal paradigms...I used to think that 'scary' involved a pregnant girl with a bad dye job and see-through shirt, coupled with a sneaky smile.

As I'm becoming older and wiser, I know see that what I used to think was scary...was really just the equivalent of the sweet little ticket attendant at the freak show...not the actual freak-show act....

Jessica, pictured here yesteday begs the question: Can pervert ex-baptist preachers perform exorcisms?

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Eva's Out with a New Man

Eva seems to have about as much commitment to her men as Courtney with has with her detox plan, Tara Reid to abstinence, and Katie Holmes to Catholicism. She's apparently over the French basketballer and moving to to drought-ridden greener pastures...in the form of surfie Jimmy Gamboa. I love a man who can pull off the not-often-seen restaurant attire combination of a pyjama flannel shirt and Gucci-infested visor. I have no idea why this male-faux-boho look isn't taking the world by storm...it's just magical to look at.

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Brad and Jen Finalise Divorce

Hey there's a rumour of the grapevine that Brad and Jen are getting a divorce...anyone heard more about this out-of-left-field claim?

Brad Pitt will be legally free to enjoy crazy, wild, sex his liasons with Angelina Jolie on October 2, 10 months after he and soon-to-be ex-wife Jennifer Aniston separated. Papers were filed today.

This blog is obviously about big philosophical questions...from that I'm going to smoothly segue into whether anyone has ever wondered what Angie would look like without her lips...do they really maketh the woman?....check it out here.

Courtney's Back in Trouble

Courtney's all over the shop again. She's been ordered to go back to rehab something long overdue from what I can gather...it didn't happen quickly enough however...because she's now claiming that she's pregnant with Steve Coogan's; of (English) Alan Partridge fame, child. For a woman who's drunkenly shown her breasts publicly more times than a Reid-esque stripper, she's awfully worried about her image asking things like

“Tell me honestly, what does it make me look like that I slept with Alan
Partridge?”

Courtney honey this latest antic is the last straw...consider the pure, virginal, delicate image I once had of you, henceforth forever broken. *sob* You've truly broken my faith.

Rod Stewart is Hot

Most ugly sticks give gentle taps here and there. Some people however, have the misfortune of having an ugly-stick-wielder who has a zeal for Tony Robbins' motivational classes as well as a disposition toward African drum lessons. Exhibit A and B are products of such unfortunate cases.

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Angelina and Zahara

This woman completely and utterly disables my snark. I don't know what it is, but I couldn't say anything mean about her if I tried. What on earth is it about her? My friend and I were actually laughing the other day, because we're absolutely sure that if Angie ran for Prime Minister of Australia she would win by a landslide. Guys would mindlessly vote for her because she's hot (already 50%) and around half of girls would vote for her because she's well...hot...and does humanitarian work etc. So Angelina...if you're reading...and ever feel like a bit of a career change...consider the door open. As long as I snag some high paying cushy government role, I won't even say a word about you not being Australian.

In other lame news, Georgy Clooney is confirming the relationship (thanks George...what other outdated tidbits of wisdom are you going to divulge for us? That the Cold War has ended?) also adding that Angelia is "clued up" ?

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Teri needs saving

Teri, Teri, Teri. I know times are tough being thrust into the spotlight after complete obscurity and all...and snaps to you for not dyeing your hair "I'm-a-washed-out-actress-hear-me-roar" blonde...but is the solution really going to come from not eating...anything? You know what? Sometimes it's nice to step away from the publicity niche of being a one-woman freak-show. I know LA is a little different from the sentinent world, but usually, being thinner than your young child is a little umm...let's not mince words here (something you should look into eating) scary.

pic courtesy of www.splashnews.com

Peter Andre voted UN-sexiest man alive

Look, I''ll be honest with you...I'm no more a Peter Andre than the next person...but surely the man is sexier than his other un-sexy colleagues Michael Jackson and Peter Doherty...Maybe this vote also took into account each candidates girlfriends to make for a a doubly whammy score; in this case, Jordan.

Angelina to wed Brad Pitt

What's a pregnancy rumour without an unsubstantiated wedding rumour? If seems as though Angie is quite keen to marry Brad as soon as the pesky divorce between Pitt and Aniston is over with. I'm just a tad skeptical about who this 'friend' is but tabloids are usually tireless in their research, so who am I to doubt?

In other news, Angelina has bagged a spot in the medieval epic Beowulf alongside Anthony Hopkins. She'll play some dark queen (when is this girl going to get a Meg Ryan role?) and the actors will appear as animated versions of themselves, a la The Polar Express.

Tara is a shy girl who just wants to be loved.

Tara Reid is obviously a complex woman. You may think that she's just a drunken, lost, D-list actress with a penchant for bargain basement cosmetic surgery, but really, she's just looking to settle down and have kids. She claims she "makes people happy", a statement which I'm not prepared to argue with her on. Free drunk sex makes most men very happy indeed. When asked about her future she says:

"I have so much love in my heart to give to someone one day and I also want to
be loved. I am crazy for kids."

Wonderful...she's apparently also a prude, having a hissy fit in Berlin because she was offended at the nudity and leather at a Berlin fetish show. Those Germans have audacity don't they?...I mean leather of all things...at a fetish club...unforgiveable.

I have a feeling that the real problem probably was the fact they didn't let her partake in the show...either that or the club cut her off after her 30th vodka shot.

pictures courtesy of www.splashnews.com

Eminem is having a situation

Two days after Eminem cancelled his European tour citing I need to get my breasts removed exhaustion...his publicist has confirmed that he's getting treatment for crack, coke, ecstacy you name it a sleeping pill addiction. This is a man who went out with the infamous Mariah Carey though...surely someone should have gotten him help much earlier.

Ben Affleck and his mammaries

The great thing about men in the 21st century is that they're so sensitive and understanding. It's so beautiful when you're the one that has to beg him to marry you (means he really loves you), when he's very comfortable with his genetalia, but most of all...when he decides to commit himself to breastfeeding duties after the baby is born...you know you've banged yourself a winner *perfect*

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Adam and Maria a couple

O.k...so I'm only really covering this story because I find Adam Levine horrendoubly attractive. I don't know about anyone else out there. Unfortunately, the feelings are not reciprocated...instead he's decided to go for the (I don't get her hype) Wimbledon champ Maria Sharapova. *sigh*

Eva Longoria Almost Died

Eva Longoria is SOO chucking a Madonna. The girl was hit on the head by a falling pole while filming the second series of Desperate Housewives. I'm guessing the culprit wasn't Nicolette Sheridan...because had it been, Eva would be dead...and then some. I see this for what it really is. She wants to start being known as just Eva...and be famous on a first name basis like Madonna. If you're still famous at 47 Eva Longoria...I'll maybe re-assess your current B-grade situation.

Ashlee Simpson...again

See? I told you Ashlee was going to go for the red-lipstick next. I should start up a celebrity psychic predictions hotline. Call 1900-ELISA to find out what's going to happen next in the lives of your favourite stars. If my first prediction doesn't come true, then make sure you call again and I'll adjust my kabbalah chakras and purge all alien life from the phone line. For an extra fee, I'll form a spiritual goddess circle with a star of your choice and make sure everyone's meridians are clear. After that I'm hoping you'll go broke from all the donations you'll have made to my 'society' and not have enough cash or credibility left to sue me. With that being said...sometimes it's better not to say anything at all...

ashlee pic thanks to www.splashnews.com

idea inspiration=MichaelK